Or, when the rabbit of chaos is pursued by the ferret of disorder through the fields of anarchy, it is time to hang your pants on the hook of darkness. Whether they are clean or not.
Nobody can really claim that this movie is, like, brilliant, but we watched it all the time as kids and sometimes those nostalgia goggles can be useful for a few things.
Because apart from the nonsensical subplots, random cameos, bizarre flights of fancy into alternate universes, and weird, sexually-harassing aliens, this movie is about female friendship and there are like two movies that are about female friendship – at least, lightheartedly.
Currently we can think of Bridesmaids. Which is a much better film, but not suitable for kids. There are more, we’re sure, but female friendships are not typically a prominent feature in movies. Most movies don’t even pass the Bechdel Test.
It doesn’t hurt that the movie basically lambastes itself from start to finish. One subplot is about two guys pitching an increasingly stupid Spice Girls-centric film. One other subplot is three guys trying to make a documentary about the Spice Girls but they’re not ever in any position to get decent material.
Like, they’re given the go-ahead by Clifford and Deborah to make the documentary to show “the real Spice Girls,” but clearly never really get close enough to actually do that. There’s got to be a point in there somewhere about female friendships and movies besides just the movie having a little giggle at its own expense.
There is no romance in this film, unless you count Clifford/Deborah. Which we don’t. The girls aren’t interested in boys at all throughout the running time. There’s even a scene where Alan Cumming questions them about it, assuming it’s one of those really important aspects of their lives that he would (supposedly) like to document, and Emma says she thinks you should just be able to order them like a pizza.
The biggest conflict is that they might break up, and this is caused by men trying to destroy them and Clifford being a bit of a nightmare manager. And then they have a huge gig, but risk being late because their other, non Spice Girl friend Nikola is giving birth and they insist on staying with her.
So. Female friendships. Huh.
erm’s fantasy as a kid was to travel around everywhere in a magically gigantic-on-the-inside bus, but with friends, because it seems much more fun.
three’s fantasy as a kid was to live in whatever this is – with her friends in colour-coded robes. It just looks so comfy.
Then there was this photoshoot, which we can’t even say was our favourite scene because every scene was our favourite scene.
We like how flippant they are about things they’re supposed to be taking seriously, and how they’ll stop in the middle of these things so that they can have fun together and change up their stereotypes. This is probably one of our favourite movie photoshoots.
See also, whatever is going on here.
That’s what we like the best about it. In our estimation its non-cynical upholding of the girls’ friendship makes up for its… existence?
But there’s also how quotable it is, at least according to us.
“My mother? YOUR MOTHER. Yes, your big, fat mother. And your brother-in-law. And your mad cousin. And your next-door-neighbour’s GOAT.” – Clifford
“Listen, I love these girls, and I’ll do anything for ’em, but I won’t do that.” – Meatloaf
“In my bed I’ve got two teddies, I’ve got a rabbit, I’ve got two dollies, and one Susan -she’s got a bad eye… and then I’ve got a green giraffe which I won at a fair – he was the only one left, I felt really sorry for him… then there’s Buzz, Woody, the alien, and then I’ve got a fluffy pink hot water bottle. So there’s just not enough room for you, mate!” – Emma
“And who cares if they find a cure for deja-vu?” “Psh, not me.” “And who cares if they find a cure for deja-vu?” “Psh, not me.” – inexplicably evil tabloid men
Bob Hoskins ❤
“Just great, parents lend us their kids, and we drown them.” – Clifford
“Could you PLEASE leave butts and bums out of this, for one minute?” – Victoria
“Sunday drivers. It’s only Saturday.” – Victoria again
“Um, blah blah blah, girl power, feminism, you know what I mean?” – Mel B
“Haven’t you ever heard of the word, ‘compromisation?'” – Geri
“It must be so hard for you, Victoria. I mean, having to decide whether to wear the little Gucci dress, the little Gucci dress, or… the little Gucci dress!” – Mel C
“Well I’m gonna break the rules and set this little fairground horse free amongst all these little square fields, like that.” – Mel B
Anyway. It was entertaining, its main themes were girl friendships and girl power, and at least they put some effort into it. We’re proud to randomly have this on the DVD shelf.