Episode 1: The Red Woman

The night is dark and full of terrors.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise that Mel is using a glamour, since she’s done it before. It also shouldn’t have been a surprise that Dany is┬áheaded for the dosh khaleen, and we are excited.

Brienne joining Team Sansa is always a good thing and we love Theon, it has to be said. We hope he doesn’t die. And we hope that Brienne doesn’t die either. Episode 3 is called “Oathbreaker” and we are worried.

Davos + Dolorous Edd + Ghost + nameless Jon loyalists + Jon’s corpse = BEST. Also this is the first time they’ve actually said “Dolorous Edd” on the show so, you know.

Ramsay mourning what’s her face is out of character; Roose scolding Ramsay for being non-functioning and useless is not.

The Sand Snakes are terrible and we’re very, very worried about where their plot is going. We aren’t interested in what D&D think a matriarchal society headed by a group of femme fatales at war with the rest of Westeros looks like. Come closer and let us whisper in your ear all of the ways that we HATE femme fatales – but it’ll have to wait for another day. Maybe when the Sand Snake plot moves forward.

We didn’t listen to anything the worthless twins had to say. (Jorah and Daario in case it needs to be said.)

The Dothraki aren’t QUITE as awful as we remember. That whole sequence made us miss Dany’s maids and her blood riders. Where are those guys? They just dropped of the face of the Eartheros once she met Grey Worm and Missandei – who weren’t in this episode. We said we didn’t want creepy sex scenes but we hope they too don’t fall out of the show now that a bunch of white guys are on Team Daenerys.

Poor Cersei. We hope she lives to kill the Sand Snakes, hopefully in the next episode.

Back to Mel: we think the significance of her crisis of faith and being tired and weary is that she isn’t the get out of jail free card for Jon’s resurrection that we were all hoping she’d be. Which is unfortunate.

So for next week: something has to change at the wall. Either Jon will be abandoned or he’ll be resurrected. We suspect they may leave him, and Mel will stay. Ghost too, likely.

The rest of the loyalists at the Wall will leave, and join up with Wildlings, who, we sincerely hope, join Team Sansa.

Balon and the rest of the Greyjoys are in the next episode, and we’re ready to quit.

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