Episode Ten: Winds of Winter

sansaspoilers

In honour of this, the tenth episode of the sixth season of Game of Thrones, ten concerns:

  1. What
  2. Is
  3. Up
  4. With
  5. That
  6. Setup
  7. For
  8. Stark
  9. Against
  10. Stark

NO.

DON’T DO THAT.

Remember kids: Littlefinger ruins everything.

Of course if this is instead a setup for “Starks kill Littlefinger after playing along for a while” then full speed ahead.

Cersei vs Dany, then? Interesting. Except who exactly is fighting on Cersei’s side apart from rape monster Mountain guy?

PS: What the actual fuck with the Unella thing. And yes, we get it: Unella is sadistic and horrible and deserves to die (… in this fictional universe, anyway), and also Cersei is awful and sadistic herself so yeah, it was always going to be messed up. But seriously. The writers have issues. We hate to keep harping on it because it makes us look like bitter, impossible-to-please book fans (which we are) but why in the name of the Seven did they think that was going to be OK?

Olenna went to Dorne to fix everything because only she can. She made some headway, and Varys nodded approvingly.

Can Olenna school Dany? We’ve wanted old women schooling Dany since Dosh Khaleen and it’s so necessary.

Tyrion’s scene with Dany made erm love Tyrion again. Oh Tyrion. “I’m a cynic.” NO YOU’RE NOT. YOU BELIEVED A WOMAN YOU WERE PAYING TO PRETEND TO LOVE YOU ACTUALLY LOVED YOU (… in the books). YOU ARE THE OPPOSITE OF CYNICAL, MAN. PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER AND EMBRACE YOUR TRUE NATURE AS ONE OF THE TWO ACTUAL ROMANTICS ON THE PLANETOS.

WHILE WE’RE AT IT: HEY, YOU, THE OTHER ACTUAL ROMANTIC ON THE PLANETOS! YEAH, YOU! START PRAYING AGAIN. ADOPT A PUPPY. TEACH IT LOVE AND TRUST AND DON’T FEED YOUR ENEMIES TO IT. EXCEPT LITTLEFINGER. KILL LITTLEFINGER FOR WHAT HE DID TO YOUR FATHER AND FOR WHAT HE WANTS TO DO TO YOU, AND PRESUMABLY WHAT HE WANTS TO DO TO YOUR BROTHER.

And on that note: R+L=J pretty much cooooooooonfiiiiiiiiirmed.

Manderly showed up FINALLY and he looks like a merman. Because white beard = King Triton OBVIOUSLY and he gave a speech that was, and we quote, “Blah blah blah man I wish I got to be as cool as I was in the books!” But it was OK because everyone’s new favourite character Lady Mormont got to tell everyone RIGHT off so that’s more than fair compensation.

Frey pie made a surprise appearance! We wonder how non-book readers liked that. Did they think it was hella arbitrary? How exactly did she go about making that pie? Is it instead possible that she just SAID it was Frey pie to gross him out before he died or what? But in the end who cares because we got Frey pie.

And Manderly in the north added, “Man I could go for some Frey pie right about now.” Don’t worry Wyman, presumably Arya will join you soontimes with the rest of that Frey pie. Or is she going to kill Cersei and rape monster Mountain McDudeface uncalledfor man? Because Jaime and The Hound are both in the area shooting some major side eye at those two so maybe she ought to just retire to Winterfell.

“Winter is here.”

Smiles for days.

“Well, father always promised.”

STOP.

WHY.

Two more seasons. And. Maybe at some point the book this episode was named after will be published.

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