Episode 3: Stormborn

I got the episode title wrong last week because I’m an absolute cretin, and now I’m going to stick to my guns and claim that this episode is called “Stormborn” when it’s actually called “The Queen’s Justice” because the title “The Queen’s Justice” better suits the episode where Nymeria shows up, doesn’t eat Arya, and is allowed to live her life in the wild because apparently D&D have finally grown tired of endless direwolf slaughter. It suits that better because Nymeria is the queen, and it is just that she didn’t eat Arya and didn’t have to die tragically in service of the budget.

sansaspoilers

The Sand Snakes plot is complete garbage. I can’t imagine that GRRM is planning to use the Sand Snakes as an opportunity to watch women abuse and kill other women and try to frame it as some sort of twisted justice, and I hope I’m not proven wrong. Anyway. It’s gross and I wish they’d written more nuanced stuff for Lena Dunham because she deserves so much better than this cartoon evil version of Cersei that the show seems to be pulling towards. Again. I doubt GRRM is going to end Cersei as a cartoon villain. And again, I hope I’m right.

Other than that, it was a good episode.

Jorah didn’t say bullshit about his amazing father as book!Jorah would have under the same circumstances, but I still hate this character. Show!Jorah is a better, less leery, less creepy, less rapey person but I can’t shake the heebie jeebies the book version gave me so I’m still incredibly disappointed that he isn’t going to die.

But if he’s going to live, I hope he has to stand there and watch Jon and Dany have boatloads of ice and fire sex. That’s a fate worse than death for him, probably. And he deserves it.

The Jon and Dany stuff was really good. I was worried it was going to be like bad fanfic, but, heh, not a bad effort.

Davos is still my favourite. Why he didn’t punch Tyrion in the face for the smugness about the defeat is beyond me. Probably the run time couldn’t handle reminding us that he lost a son in that battle or something.

Mel spoiled that she and Varys would die in Westeros. Thanks Mel. I don’t know why Varys is so shocked about this… did he forget that he’s mortal? Did he figure on retiring to Pentos? (Probably.) More likely he read that as a threat/he’s super uncomfortable about religion and foretelling. He’s probably going to end up burned alive, who are we kidding. Sigh.

Olenna got to say excellent stuff this time and thank the old gods and the new for that. A moment of silence for our fallen sister in Joffrey-murderdom.

I saw Bronn for a second and I’m super pissed that that dude is going to be alive at the end of it all. He suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks I hate him. Like. (A) dragon(s) is/are going to die but fucking Bronn will probably be in the last scene of this show. Goddamn.

Sansa is doing so well. She did go dewy-eyed for Littlefinger’s absolutely ridiculous, nonsensical ravings for a moment, which is stupid because nothing he said made any sense, but then Bran showed up and did the detached, slightly creepy version of the same speech so here’s my prediction: Littlefinger and Bran are going to angel and devil on Sansa’s shoulders and unfortunately, the choice for her is going to be whether she can look past Bran’s increasingly less human, more tree-like demeanour and realize that he’s obviously right about everything or not. That’s silly, but, whatever.

My advice to Bran would be, “Um, dude. Maybe don’t talk about how you watched her get raped? Like. Can you not empathize anymore or what.”

Because I’m pretty sure if not for stumblings like that, Sansa would listen to him a lot more readily. Ah well, we have to keep up the drama for four more episodes.

Speaking of which, by having Dany be failing so spectacularly the show is doing swell at the drama stuff. Now we can watch Dany decide to stay the course and not just burn King’s Landing to the ground, which would be the easy victory. Looks like Dany won’t be Mad Queening any time soon.

PS: Tyrion needs to come up with some better plans.

❤ erm

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