When Dany Met Sansa

Game of Thrones/When Harry Met Sally Crossover fic, because frankly I’m livid.

*I know GRRM doesn’t like fanfic. This is not fanfic. I am not a fan.*

Dany and Sansa are flying together from Winterfell to King’s Landing in 8 4-hour shifts or whatever on Drogon. Dany thinks Sansa is naive and also an obstacle. She is right about one of those things. Sansa does not appreciate Dany’s cocky Targaryen attitude and won’t bend the knee. Imagine this conversation screamed over the noise of flying on a dragon.

Sansa: Dany, we are just going to be friends.

Dany: Good, great, friends. BEAT You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.

Sansa: Why not?

Dany: What I’m saying is — and this is not a threat in any way, shape or form — is that women can’t be friends with other women because the hating-all-other-women-inexplicably-because-they-may-not-bend-the-knee part always gets in the way.

Sansa: THROWS HER SOME TRADEMARK WINTERFELL SHADE That is not true. I happen to have a number of women friends and there is no hatred or knee-bending or knee-not-bending involved.

Dany: No you don’t.

Sansa: Yes I do.

Dany: No you don’t.

Sansa: Yes I do.

Dany: You only think you do.

Sansa: I was friends with Margaery Tyrell!

Dany: … You only think you do.

Sansa: VERY OFFENDED We commiserated over Joffrey!

Dany: She was playing you. She just wanted to be queen and wanted you to bend the knee. Gets in the way every time.

Sansa: OK, fine, let’s say you’re right. What about Brienne?

Dany: She bent the knee to you! And you can’t really be friends because she’s your servant so you inherently don’t respect her, and you only like her because she isn’t a threat to you being a queen.

Sansa: So what you’re saying is that you and Missandei aren’t actually friends.

Dany: Exactly. I can’t remember the last time we actually spoke words to each other.

Sansa: ROLLS HER EYES What about Arya?

Dany: Oh please, the Arya situation proves my point perfectly! Last week everyone thought you were going to have her executed. The fact that you didn’t doesn’t mean it wasn’t a legitimate possibility for like three months, so, yeah, you’re not friends.

Sansa: I was obviously not going to execute my sister.

Dany: First of all, it wasn’t actually that obvious. And second, no woman can be friends with another woman who won’t bend the knee to her. It is known.

Sansa: So you’re saying that a woman can be friends with other women who do bend the knee?

Dany: No, they pretty much hate them too. GAZES OFF INTO THE DISTANCE, A HAUNTED, TARGARYEN TYRANT LOOK IN HER EYES Especially if there are bells involved. The bending the knee thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sansa: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then.

Dany: Guess not.

Sansa: That’s too bad. You were the only woman I knew in King’s Landing. Except Cersei.

Dany: See, that right there –

Sansa: Ugh.

Drogon: SHRIEKS

Dany accidentally loses her mind and burns down all of King’s Landing not long afterwards, and Sansa breaks up with Podrick, and because of these tragedies when they next run into each other (at the Eyrie Outlet Mall) they bond and are able to, ironically, actually become friends and Dany realizes this whole outlook on life was stupid so she also starts having deep conversations with Missandei and invites Brienne over for cake. Sansa and Arya actually hash things out onscreen. Then eventually Dany and Sansa get married and bend the knee to each other because it’s an equal partnership. 

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