Two Adaptations I Liked, and all that

I revisited some remakes and retellings this week and wanted to compare and contrast them, but mostly just ramble about them. One is Aladdin (2019) and the other is Emma. (2020).

Always a topic of interest here, I think it’s kind of easy to disparage remakes and new adaptations – especially of the Disney variety. Yes, Disney makes them mostly as an excuse to print money, and it is not wrong to be cynical about that. I still find value in seeing the differences of the new version. If a remake offers absolutely nothing else, I’m still always fascinated to see what Disney finds important to delete, redo, shift, and rewrite. How they update LeFou – problematic, sure, but worse than the original? And how about compared to the staged version? It’s a nuanced topic and one I’d love to discuss in horrifying detail if you have a spare five hours! I remember thinking, while watching new Lion King, “how is this movie, which is going for ultra-realism (for reasons I don’t really understand) but also functions as something like a beat-for-beat remake of quite an unrealistic movie, going to do the ‘dress in drag and do the hula’ scene?” And then, Timon started singing “Be Our Guest.” Delightful. Obviously the original is way better. But if you ignore that, there are worthwhile tidbits in any of them for you if you’re a nerd, is what I’m saying.

I understand why some people aren’t interested in this. It can be tiresome to watch Disney create new plot holes while “fixing” earlier ones. Disney, please, EMBRACE THE PLOT HOLES. It’s about the message, not whether the movie make 100% real-world sense the whole way through. Also tiresome is watching them try to sanitize earlier films. It’s offensive, even, in some situations, but I think that permeating the anti-remake thought process is also a belief that because the originals were already made, that’s it, and now there’s nothing else to say about them, ever. But that’s not how story-telling works. There’s always a new avenue to explore in any story.

Unfortunately there are only certain stories that get this kind of treatment, and it’s based on which ones studios think many people will pay many dollars for. But even the most lackluster remake is going to, at the very least, give you remastered classic disney songs and score. Always worth it.

Aladdin of the year 2019

This version of “Arabian Nights” is better than the original.

Understandably, Disney changes some lyrics. “Where they cut off your ear if they don’t like your face; it’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home!” is gone. If the 90s were a kinder and smarter decade that wouldn’t have been there to begin with, but, growth and change, I guess. Even in the original animated version available on Disney+, they’ve altered it – the “barbaric” part of the line is still there but instead of the de-earing, it’s “where it’s flat and immense and the heat is intense.” In their 2019 version the lyrics have become: “where you wander among every culture and tongue, it’s chaotic, but hey, it’s home” – a significant departure/improvement. Does it solve racism? No. But that wasn’t the goal anyway. It’s just a small change that makes the final film slightly more welcoming to more people.

The other major lyric change is in “Prince Ali,” my favourite musical number from either Aladdin. The entourage now boasts: “he’s got ten thousand servants and flunkies” rather than the other thing, and, again, yeah.

There’s more focus on Jasmine in 2019. We spend time on her political ambitions, which I always felt the original is missing. She even gets a song that’s about vague female empowerment and not much else – and gets a reprise. The part where she intervenes and convinces Hakim to side with her and her father could have been woven a little better into the story, but as it is, it serves. It connects to the things she’s said right from the beginning about leadership and relating to the people at least.

Jasmine’s romance with Aladdin is given additional space to grow. It’s not that the 1992 version is missing that – Aladdin and Jasmine are just kind of cute there, and you don’t begrudge either of them falling in love so quickly. The new version’s romance definitely benefits from the extra bonding time. Jasmine also lies to Aladdin about her identity at first, making it a little less ridiculous when he’s doing all the lying later. In the original, Aladdin says she deserves a prince. In this one, he tells her that she should be the Sultan and I LIKE THAT BETTER, OK.

Jasmine gets a female friend, also a servant, also a major character, in Dahlia. Instead of being obstinate at the drop of the hat about suitors, she’s more focused on being Sultan than on being opposed to every offer of marriage. When Aladdin shows up with his parade, she is definitely unimpressed, but is watching politely until Genie says “heard your princess was HAWT, where is she?” My guffaw when I first saw it. Oh man.

If you’re not too busy laughing you are firmly on her side of this thing anyway during Prince Ali’s yam jam speech about purchasing her with expensive gifts. This speech includes the best line AND line reading of all time: “And, uh, THAT, over there, hidden, for suspense. Tada.”

Genie and Aladdin’s relationship is still adorable, and just like the Aladdin/Jasmine romance, this friendship gets extra space and time to develop. One thing the new version eliminates is the part where Genie gets frustrated when Aladdin goes back on his promise to free him. He does get frustrated, just, differently. He told him early on not to “drink from that cup,” and is now disappointed.

This is a strange change. It’s extremely understandable for Genie to be pissed in the original about Aladdin going back on this promise and NOT freeing him from eternal slavery, but in 2019 Genie isn’t even phased by that part. He’s just like, “So… you’re just going to lie to Jasmine forever?” This reminds me of the time we watched “The Beast Within” from Teen Titans and Beast Boy steals and eats Robin’s entire ham and eggs, and Robin just says, “But you’re a vegetarian,” (vegan, Robin, vegan) and three said “Robin’s such a good friend.”

Genie is a good friend too, and entirely selfless. Even the original Genie gets over it and is willing to sacrifice freedom if it means his OTP will get together, meaning Genie was always far too selfless for this awful animated/CGI-live action world. Freeing the Genie is just as moving in each version. Good for you, Genie. Everyone deserves freedom, but you most of all.

Speaking of everyone deserving freedom, then there’s Jafar. Jafar has traded in his fabulousness for mere temper-tantrums and scheming – that is, he’s a regular villain now, not so much a 90s Disney villain. Like Jasmine’s political ambitions and prowess, Jafar serves here, but probably could have been put to better use. I wonder if the de-fabulousifying is an attempt by 21st century Disney to leave queer coding of villains in the past. If so, what’s going on with King Candy from Wreck-It Ralph?

The 90s villains have a following. They are always more visually interesting than their very-conventionally-attractive protagonist counterparts. Their queer coding also makes them firmly present on screen. They steal the show, is what I mean. Acknowledging that the coding is problematic doesn’t mean people can’t or won’t enjoy those characters. Honestly, if Jafar was allowed to turn it out in this movie I think it would have been better for it. I think he would have really shone doing “Prince Ali Reprise” and I miss it in this version. On the other hand, if Disney is trying to move away from doing that (especially after the live action LeFou and Gaston), then, respect. Most importantly, this movie is for kids of today, and as this very good article that says everything I just said way way better than I did also says, kids of today don’t need queer coded fabulous 90s disney villains. [What they need are some overtly queer protagonists but that’s another topic.]

It could also be that they want the villains in their new versions to be scarier. “We’re going to take this villain 100% seriously, like the Horned King,” they may have said (verbatim, I’m sure). This potential reason is probably more realistic than Disney honestly considering whether queer coding villains is a good thing to continue to do. The result is kind of meh no matter why they’re making these changes. Scar in 2019’s The Lion King was boring compared to the 1994 version, also, I think, because all his fabulousness is gone. I guess it makes them scarier – if I had to choose whether to face off against a team of Animated Jafar + Animated Scar, or Live Action Jafar and CGI Scar, I would choose the animated duo. But honestly, it’s just because I’m going to have a better time since they’re more fun. That said, I much preferred the serious take on Shere Khan to the animated, but I was no great fan of Animated Jungle Book anyway, and I really liked the remake.

2019’s Aladdin has Disney deciding against Gilbert-Gottfried-trapped-in-parrot-body type of Iago. They went with a more realistic approach, which was a mistake. Wise-cracking Iago really makes Aladdin (1992), in my opinion. Although, the part where darker, slightly more realistic Iago laughs at Prince Anders sarcastically is hysterical, as is the part where Aladdin says “We have a north… and… a south,” and Iago croaks, “What?” I must also take a moment to appreciate the CGI animals Raja and Abu:

Yes, I know, they do this, I’m sure, because it’s cheaper to pay low wages for CGI artists than it would be to pay for exploited animal labour. They don’t do it to spare animals from exploitation – and the low wages of CGI artists thing really does suck. But exotic animals used for entertainment suffer so I’m still happy to see these CGI guys, and the artists did a great job. Whether it’s more or less expensive should be a moot point here anyway (and the artists should be paid more) because you simply can’t get these performances out of real animals.

Real animals don’t act. For example, to get a shot of a real tiger looking that enraged – well. Someone would need to sacrifice themselves. You’d also have to actually antagonize an actual tiger into an actual state of rage, as they did for a few shots in Life of Pi, and that’s not OK either. That isn’t a tiger acting, that’s a tiger being deliberately stressed out to the point of violence. Stahp.

In conclusion: Aladdin of 2019 makes some key changes to the source material, a 1992 animated film. It adds a vague female empowerment song and reprise, adds some decent political ambition and will for Jasmine, and shaves off some of the racism of the original. It goes for a serious villain in Jafar, either to make him scarier or to reduce the overall amount of villain queer coding Disney has done as a corporation. Now let’s look at an adaptation that leans in to all of the problematic elements of its source material, and then some.

Emma. of 2020 (a year which, as we know, took place one million years after 2019)

Emma. is a fresh take on Jane Austen’s novel, managing to be as fresh as it is without changing anything from the story. The freshness may come from the moments the movie takes to highlight somewhat non-Austen things, like the hero ripping some sort of layer off and then lying on the floor in extreme frustration or the heroine lifting her dress up by the fire. Or maybe Harriet being… quite affected by Knightley checking her leg for breaks. There is quite a lot of overt sexuality in this movie (…for an Austen adaptation), but it never feels, to me, out of place. There is a moment in Pride and Prejudice (2005) in which Lizzie and Darcy are livid with each other. He just proposed. She just rejected him. They both have major issues with each other. After yelling a lot, once they’ve yelled everything they need to yell, they just kind of gaze at each other in the rain and it NEVER FAILS TO TAKE ME OUT OF THE MOVIE. I understand that it’s all about the tension with those two, but it doesn’t feel real to me that in the argument they’re having (which is: she’s furious that he hurt her sister; he’s self-righteous because he was protecting his friend; she’s hurt by the way he’s talking about how inferior she and her family are to him; he’s wounded by how disgusted she is by his proposal) they’d both simultaneously stop and think, “Hmm, maybe we should just have sex instead.” Maybe I’m just asexual but come on, Lizzie is sad for Jane, Darcy is sad for Bingley, and both have just been deeply, deeply insulted by each other. Now is not the time unless they both have a very specific kink.

Anyway. The overt sexuality here doesn’t creep into inappropriate moments. The one I could compare it to would be “Badly done, Emma.” Imagine Knightley: “How could you, Emma, you really hurt her, and you have a lot of privilege compared to her and people are influenced by the way you treat her, it was BADLY DONE.” And instead of Knightley (sorry to hurt her but sorely disappointed) storming off and Emma bursting into hysterical tears and screaming at the driver to go (rude!), they gaze at each other but make it sexy.

EXACTLY.

The pull of this moment is that it’s the real low point. The genius of it is that it provides an excellent foundation to climb back up from. I read this book at some point and can’t remember the finer details, but I did find Knightley pretty irritating a lot of the time. He’s a massive scold, more of a parent than a love interest (and I mean the age gap in the book definitely doesn’t help with that either). Filmed versions always soften their weird dynamic, and this version in particular does an excellent job of it. Here you can really understand what’s enticing about this – not that Emma is a silly girl who needs someone to humble, tame, correct her all the time. It’s instead that she has someone who will hold her accountable, as no one else does. Everyone else in the “three dull things” scene is horrified by what Emma says, and even though she has real enemies present, no one will actually call her on it, except Knightley. It doesn’t hurt that he acknowledges that she’s changed his opinions on one or two things, too. Something he does in the book as well, to be fair.

I also really like this moment where Robert Martin, who has been recently rejected by Harriet, tells her which way to get home safely and then just stands sadly in the rain alone with his thoughts after she has left.

Austen adaptations usually serve up lots of sad looking men. I haven’t done a thorough enough study on this but I’m pretty sure modern romance and romantic comedies don’t make use of this tactic enough. Odd, considering in your typical heteronormative romance, juicing BOTH leads for all the angst you can get out of them would probably be very engaging for the audience. On men’s emotions and Austen adaptations (this one in particular) showcasing of them, I watched a video essay recently which uses a clip from Emma and Knightley’s wedding in 2020. Knightley brushes away a tear at the altar. The essayist is showing it as an example of a man crying in a movie for something joyful (his wedding), and it isn’t used as a reason to mock or shame him and laugh at his expense, just simply showing his emotions because they add to the story being told. Which, according to that essay, is very atypical. Society, I tell you.

NOW. In direct contrast to Aladdin 2019, what on earth is happening in Emma. 2020 where the servants are ALWAYS THERE? OK, the servants in Aladdin are also always there. But Jasmine and Dahlia are more like friends than Princess and servant, and Aladdin and the Genie develop a friendship as well. All four of them truly treat each other as equals despite some very significant power imbalances. So what I mean is, this movie, unlike every disney movie ever and even unlike most Austen renditions, portrays a much more realistic servant-employer relationship. There are definitely moments where your attention is drawn to them in Pride and Prejudice 2005, but this is something entirely new. They’re everywhere. You can’t not notice them. They have names? Bartholomew and Charles in particular are always standing by, the picture of silence, misery, boredom, judgement. I can’t get enough!

That last image there is Charles and Bartholomew walking away for discretion when Emma and Knightley are kissing. A lesser film would have them smile or something, some little acknowledgement that they, like you, the audience, are rooting for this romance but NO. They couldn’t care less and it’s amazing.

That’s all I’ve got. I like both adaptations. I think they are both very much worth watching. Watch them if you haven’t!

Encanto Again, or, Bruno Madrigal WAS Meant to be Screencapped

Spoilers for Encanto which is a movie I’m still obsessed with.

[screencaps from animation screencaps dot com]

A disorganized list of things that make Encanto so great:

  • All the dancing, including Antonio’s new room dancing with most of the family, Dolores’s Bruno verse dance, Isabella rocking out with the flower mic, and obviously Félix and Pepa’s dance while not talking about Bruno
  • Every single character, including but not limited to Coffee Child, Overly Excited Child, Guy Who Can’t Stop Talking Tactlessly, Guy Yelling About Donkeys, and Antonio
  • Antonio (has to be included twice)
  • The donkeys (especially the donkeys in the band on the Madrigal Titanic)
  • Comedy toucan
  • Comedy capybara
  • “Helpful” coatis
  • Helpful rats. Does affinity for animals run in the Madrigal genes? It certainly seems to. When the rats grab the shards of Bruno’s vision, I guess at his request, that’s pretty impressive
  • The soup at the disastrous dinner, where there’s either half a corn cob or a whole corn cob in each bowl. I want to find a vegan recipe of that soup, it looks so good
  • Men and boys being affectionate and supportive. I mean, Augustín? Félix? Camilo? Antonio? The adults show romantic affection for their wives which is nice, but then there’s also familial affection and general supportiveness all around. Augustín especially is a nice change of pace for a Disney dad, managing to be accident-prone but not useless, and even stands up to Abuela on behalf of Mirabel. Bruno, too, as soon as he comes back to the family, immediately goes into affectionate and supportive mode
  • Compassionate examination of intergenerational trauma
  • How is it so easy to ache for Mirabel, but remain understanding of Abuela, even at her worst? Ahh, nuance and no villains, I love you
  • Connection within Pepa’s family: Félix barges into Mirabel’s hushed conversation with Pepa having overheard them through a closed door, and before that, Pepa comes into the room already upset because she overheard Mirabel muttering to herself about Bruno. These are the parents of Dolores, and that makes perfect sense. Dolores for her part can hear rats talking in the walls worrying about the house – so either that’s Bruno, or she also can understand animals, just like her brother. Camilo shifting into Mirabel and Bruno when he hears that Mirabel is in Bruno’s vision, shifting through all of the adults in his life after being zapped by lightning, and shifting into someone with a baby head reminds me of Pepa not being able to keep her feelings to herself, always with the weather overhead. Antonio being the cutest, most empathetic cousin and nephew reminds me of Félix always looking out for and pacifying Pepa
  • Connection within Julieta’s family: All three sisters are being crushed under the weight of familial pressure, each according to her gift (or non-gift). Luisa is struggling to do all the heavy lifting and feels like she’d be nothing if she couldn’t keep up with the work. Isabella is struggling to remain perfect and pretty, which is an identity she’s been forced into, and to fulfil a vision of a perfect future she doesn’t even want. I think it’s deliberate that out of the grandkids, Isabella looks the most like young Alma, and Mariano looks a lot like Abuelo Pedro. Mirabel has to keep pretending that she’s fine even though she is NOT. When the sisters have brief but honest conversations, these things start unraveling almost right away. Mirabel is the key, a lot like Julieta, being a healing presence. Julieta is concerned about Mirabel the whole time, always knowing when something is wrong even when Mirabel insists she’s fine. Mirabel, after talking to Luisa, worries about her throughout the rest of the film, taking note whenever she sees her struggling. Once she tells Augustín about it, he does the same thing. Both Julieta and Augustín stand up to Abuela the way Mirabel eventually does, but, like, more
  • The part where Antonio tells the jaguar not to eat the rats

In the past, we’ve made posts about how when you screencap certain goofy moves (Hercules only), the results are goofy. Looking at still images from Encanto featuring Bruno is a little different though. Some insights:

So there’s a bit of goofiness here. I do wonder why he’s still wearing the bucket, but then, he’s been in the walls for a while. Coping mechanisms become habitual. But there are more interesting insights to be gleaned than occasional goofiness.

This scene where Bruno revisits his vision goes by pretty quickly but when you slow it down, you can see some clear enthusiasm here, uncharacteristic for Bruno (or at least for what we’ve seen of him so far). His perpetual sadness makes a lot more sense when you consider that he might truly enjoy having visions, but the way everyone always reacts in such negative ways eventually ruins his enjoyment of his own power.

He was so happy to come up with a clear and “easy” solution for once: hug your sister! “That’s great!” But Mirabel is furious with that result. Poor Bruno.

It adds a layer to the general sadness of Bruno, who lives in the walls where he can sort of sit with his family for meals but not really.

Lay it on thick, Encanto.

But there’s also reunited-with-family Bruno:

All right, enough, we don’t talk about him for a reason and the reason is that IT’S TOO EMOTIONAL.

That’s it. Will try to blog about something else next time.

Encanto

Last time on Owlmachine, I’d barely started watching Encanto at the theatre before the power went out. Today I saw the whole thing and jsfdnojawiouwnqfjncsjdk njgkrwdfjjfvnsjdfnvk. So.

will be dancing to this for weeks, thanks LMM and Carlos Vives

I’m of the Disney musical proclivity anyway, so obviously I was going to love it. Apart from being typically great animated fare, Encanto is special because, to me, it seems like out of all the Disney musicals, this is the one that would make the most sense on stage. I know The Lion King killed it, and I’ve never seen any of the others but I’ve heard good things, and some “meh” things, about all of them. I’m not sure how Frozen’s stage version was received generally, but that one likely ended up on stage more because it was a guaranteed money-maker than its material being well suited for live stage production. I’d still have gone to see it if it came here because I’m exactly that sucker, and also who wouldn’t want to see Frozen performed live?

But with Encanto, the way a larger cast participates in multiple numbers, and how Mirabel’s two sisters get songs of their own, and how the most popular song features a healthy chunk of the family singing about another family member, it just feels like this was meant to go on stage eventually. “Dos Oruguitas” could easily be sung by one or more of the children or grandchildren, the way Angelica sings “It’s Quiet Uptown” in Hamilton. (DO NOT listen to “Dos Oruguitas” in advance if you plan to watch the movie ever. Hear and see it first in its proper context.) And “Colombia, Mi Encanto” could easily fit in anywhere sung by anyone or, better yet, everyone.

Animation is probably my favourite medium for visual story-telling though, so as much as I would see Encanto on stage 36 times in a row and then some (if the funds for me doing that existed somehow) if the stage version existed this animated version would always be superior. As much fun as “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” would clearly be performed live, in the animation it was transporting as only animation can be.

It’s good, music is obviously amazing, the animation is amazing, the characters are instantly adorable, parts of it are REALLY sad and the resolution hits the spot. It has a fantastic message. Also the intergenerational trauma raccoon short that plays before it made me ugly cry, twice. The first time I saw it I ugly cried just because it was raccoons. I CAN’T DEAL with raccoons. The second time it was because the actual story that’s being told is very moving, and also again just because it was raccoons.

The Family Madrigal: The Strange Predicament that I Now Find Myself In

Heads up: personal ridiculous story time. Spoilers (not really though) for the first 30 minutes of Encanto because THAT WAS ALL I SAW.

On one of my days off, having failed to convince anyone to come with me to see Disney’s new Encanto as it’s the busy holiday season and I guess no one I know has time for a new Disney musical, I decided, hey, there’s a showtime in the afternoon and it’s still the week before school lets out for the holidays, so it won’t be too crowded. Let’s go!

All was going well (movie seems to be great, no surprise there) but then the power went out.

The small number of other people in the theatre and I had just gotten past the I Want song, called “Waiting on a Miracle,” when the theatre went black, and then emergency-light bright. I liked the song, but I preferred the upbeat introduction song “The Family Madrigal” the way I preferred “Where You Are” to “How Far I’ll Go” in Moana, the other Lin Manuel Miranda Disney musical. “The Family Madrigal” is fun, with a lot of punchy lyrics, multiple laughs, full of trivia, communal and familial – perfect for this particular moment in this province, when the cases are exploding exponentially and the very real possibility of a locked down Christmas is looming again.

I went home, annoyed, and bought the only songs I’d heard so as to not spoil myself and noticed that the most popular song, which we hadn’t gotten to, has a name that’s also a lyric (the most intriguing lyric!) in “The Family Madrigal.” I became even more annoyed.

Now I’m in this bizarre limbo, playing and replaying “The Family Madrigal,” and occasionally “Waiting on a Miracle,” but personally I’m just waiting on my next day off so I can try again to see it – provided we don’t lock down in the meantime.

That evening the universe seems to have felt that I hadn’t had enough Disney, so I heard the telltale sounds of one of my foster kittens doing a good impression of Mufasa’s last moments between the rails on the second floor. I’ve heard those specific scratchings before, maybe twice, with previous foster kittens. I’ve either managed to push those kittens up and back through the rails or they manage to scramble back up on their own. In this case I hurried over but I wasn’t even in time to see him dangling. This small white body just fell right in front of my face. Reader, I couldn’t freaking tell you how, but I snatched him out of the air. He would have broken at least one of his legs. Maybe pelvis or mandible. For an animal that likes to impersonate Mufasa a lot, cats are too fragile and not nearly as good at falling as we as a society think they are.

Anyway he realized a split second later (and too soon for me to react and set him down gently) that I was holding him and I guess this was the worst possible outcome in his brain, so he panic-launched himself out of my hands and I got scratched minorly. You’re welcome?

What I learned from this experience is that The Lion King just needed me. I’d have to be the size of a giant but I could have caught Mufasa. Could I explain wtf the plot would be after that? No. It would probably be very bad. There would suddenly be this giant human who had shown up without explanation. You’d have no need for Timon and Puumba so we’d lose out on “Hakuna Matata.” Basically everything would change. Perhaps the lions and hyenas would actually band together to kill and eat me. I mean. I’d watch it.

I’d rather watch the rest of Encanto though.

The Not-A-Princess Disney Princess

Eilonwy enters the movie The Black Cauldron thus:

eil2eil1

Just popping out of the floor to look for a lord or a warrior to help her escape. But there’s just an assistant pig-keeper, oh well.

If you’ve never seen it but want to, you should just do that and ignore this post. Initially intended as a quick discussion about Eilonwy, it’s instead full of spoilers. All you need to know about Eilonwy is that she is great. She’s great. Better in the book, but then what isn’t?

The Black Cauldron is a bizarre movie. Is it too dark for its intended child-audience? Maybe. It was and is too dark for me – just one part, though. Despite this coming out a few years before my birth and even with the saturation of Disney movies in my childhood, I first saw The Black Cauldron when I was maybe 16. The scene where Hen-Wen is chased and captured by the fell beasts was too much for my poor animal-loving heart. It’s still pretty much unwatchable for me today, to be honest.

One day my friend was telling me enthusiastically about this movie I’d never heard of, saying things like “most depressing Disney movie ever” and “there’s this little thing and he’s kind of like Smeagol, and then he dies after making a speech about having no friends.” So obviously I went out and bought the DVD so I could watch it immediately. When it got to the part where the three witches give Taran Gurgi’s body back, I fully believed Gurgi was staying dead, and that they’d just lobbed his corpse at Taran because they’re witches. I thought the next scene would be a funeral, and I was quite shocked at how morbid it all was. And then he came back to life and I breathed a sigh of relief. To be fair, if any Disney movie was going to skip the magical resurrection, it would be this one. But they still managed a happy ending.

I think the fact that Gurgi is resurrected and they all get home safe (except some henchmen, but who cares) means that it’s generally not too dark for kids, but it’s definitely not for all kids. If I’d seen the Hen-Wen chase/capture scene as a small child I would have been traumatized. It’s all about scenes as building-blocks, I think, when you’re dealing with children’s films. That scene ends with Hen-Wen shrieking as she’s being carried away, and you’re left unsure of how things will turn out for her. Taran is reunited with her soon but she’s still in danger, and her return to safety is quite drawn out. In contrast, other Disney horror scenes are compact and self-contained, like Snow White in the scary forest. All of those terrifying eyes turn into cute woodland critters as she sobs, overwhelmed, and that makes it endurable. Pink elephants on parade settle into clouds. Big, tense confrontations with villains begin and end at the climax. Horror is resolved, and resolved as quickly as it began. The cauldron-born sequence that was chopped up because it terrified children in the test screen is very grisly and was much grislier before the hack job, but at least it ended shortly after it began, frankly.

On a re-watch just today, I tried to figure out what might have made this a better film purely from my own perspective. I remembered Eilonwy’s pluck and unfailing kindness (apart from understandable moments of irritation directed at Taran) as a bright spot, but what surprised me was that really, all the characters are pretty good. Taran’s hero journey is all present and accounted for. Fflewdurr is a decent guy and he even has a gimmick in his lie-detecting harp. My favourite moment of his is when, finally, annoyed at some ongoing sexual harassment, he snaps, “Oh, pull yourself together, madam.” A lesser film (a MUCH lesser film) would have him be into the over-the-top sexual advances because he’s a man and obviously man=horndog-at-all-times (</sarcasm>), so well done all, there. Gurgi is a little bit too pathetic but he’s still lovable. The Horned King is scary, Creeper is… like. Get a better job, bud. The three witches are kind of funny, but really they walked so that Ursula could run. The fairies who annoyed me so much the first time I watched it have grown on me (constant complaining is much more relatable in my old age). I still love Hen-Wen and the other guy.

She’s in good company, then. I think the main problem is that it’s too short. A few years ago I read a few of the books in this series, and, unsurprisingly, I think the story and characters work much better in novel-form, where they have room to breath and actually flesh everything out. But the movie’s not half-bad, really, it’s just freaking weird. 

There are obvious reasons, such as the financial loss as well as the lack of cultural recognition that the film and its characters have compared to the most other Disney movies, for Eilonwy to not be on the official princess roster. But I do wonder whether how young she is factors in as well. Vanellope isn’t on there either, and her movie got a sequel. Eilonwy is maybe 12? She’d probably seem out of place with the other princesses. 

It’s too bad, though. Before there was Queen Elsa and her formidable ice magic, the only Disney princess (unofficial) who could do magic was Eilonwy (do I have that right, because it seems wrong, somehow?). Maybe if the movie had been longer, there would have been more time to show some of it. :/

I Liked Raya

Watched Raya and the Last Dragon, liked it, and mostly I didn’t want the meandering blog post about that which will not be spoken of to be the first post on the page anymore.

Observations in no meaningful order (but sort of spoilery):

  • I ship it? But if they want to be platonic friends I’d also FRIENDship it (I’ll stop)
  • I do think the redemption arc needed to be way more fleshed out, but OK
  • I love Sisu’s entire approach to life
  • The one part where she said cats don’t have souls destroyed me, but at least it was funny
  • The con baby, omg, and as soon as that happened I said “oh they BETTER join the team” and what do you know, thank you Disney movies for being predictably warm (um, even in a con baby scenario)

OK that’s it.

Romance of Deception in Animated Movies

A new romance blossoms. But alas, it is threatened. Danger and power-hungry villains trashing monuments lurk in the shadows, but the tender new romance’s main foe is something much smaller, much more personal, and, with much more specific stakes.

The man has been lying, the whole time, to the woman.

It’s OK, though, she’s bound to forgive him.

I wanted to look at the sometimes bizarre, potentially weird, probably problematic dynamics of a couple of deception romances that occur in some animated classics. Just for fun. Not to judge anyone for liking them (I like them too), nor to suggest that these romances have produced a problematic blueprint that vulnerable child viewers might use when forging their own relationships. I do think media representations matter, but I also think that interrogating media you engage with and enjoy is the best way to make sure you don’t replicate its problematic elements. Also I doubt anyone is really trying to emulate someone like Dimitri IRL, but then, who knows.

Speaking of which…

Anastasia and Dimitri

Let’s set aside the objective fact that this movie really shouldn’t exist and that even the way it does exist, with blatant reimagining of real historical events, it’s eyebrow-raising at best. The characters are likeable. Some of the songs are good. The outfits rock. We can set the real history of it aside for 90 minutes.

What I can’t set aside is my befuddlement at the love story. I remember quite enjoying it when I was a kid and a teenager. Back then, if a romance wasn’t enemies-to-lovers or didn’t involve belligerent sexual tension, I wasn’t interested. I’m not sure why that held appeal for me, though I am inclined to think it’s because those tropes are kind of juvenile. I’m still down to engage in some slow-burn misrepresentation, miscommunication, misunderstanding, and mind-changing, but the clear dislike and trading of insults that happen between Anastasia and Dimitri when they are new acquaintances no longer does it for me.

That’s not even the issue. If it were, I might say, “Well, I don’t really understand at what point they stop hating each other’s guts. Is it when Anya wears a dress? When he sees her in something not ridiculously oversized he falls in love with the shape of her or whatever? And she reciprocates because she likes dancing with him? That’s kind of weak, but, OK.” And that wouldn’t be worth a blog post.

No… it’s more the fact that Anya overhears her grandmother reaming Dimitri out for being a heartless con man, having held auditions for someone to play Anastasia only to take the grieving but hopeful Dowager’s reward money and run, which is exactly what he was planning on doing. This is his plan literally all the way up until he realizes that Anya is actually Anastasia, not just a good lookalike with convenient and manipulatable amnesia.

At that point, he forgets all about the reward money, because suddenly a future with Anya isn’t possible so it no longer matters. I understand why this changes things for him, but I do wonder what his plan is before he realizes the truth. Does he really think Anya would be fine with their scamming the Dowager, or that she’d never realize what they were doing? I guess it doesn’t matter, because Anya is Anastasia, so we never have to find out.

“Princesses don’t marry kitchen boys,” Dimitri laments. Right, but big-hearted women marry con men who deceive them and any other nearby emotionally vulnerable women for cash? Sounds plausible.

As a random aside, I hear a lot of complaints about Naveen from Princess and the Frog. Personally I like Naveen, but I guess I see where those complaints are coming from. OK not really. Flynn/Eugene from Tangled is pretty much the same person, just minus the royal blood and adding in thievery and one brief anecdote about being a poor orphan, and everyone loves him. My semi-relevant point is, Naveen, who has personal growth, who demonstrates an actual change in heart over a prolonged period of time in his movie, is waaaaaaaaay better than Dimitri here. I do get what Anastasia is going for and it has limited time to truly flesh it out, but I’m struggling to think of one Disney dude who starts out half as bad as Dimitri. Not even Nick Wilde, or Kuzco, for that matter. OK. Maybe Kuzco. But his ENTIRE movie was about making him into a better person. Dimitri gets one line.

Dowager: Why the change of mind?

Dimitri: It was more a change of heart.

He fell in love and is now a good person.

Well gosh golly me. That’s not how that works.

It’s particularly annoying because all Anya wants is to find her family. Now there is that “found family” element to the Dimitri thing, sure, but I’d buy that more if she ran off with Dimitri plus Vlad and… Sophie, I guess. Or if she ran off just her and Pooka, which would be the ideal ending in my opinion. Instead she just gets married, promising to see her grandmother again soon, and it doesn’t feel great from my perspective.

Before the murders, she’s shown making promises with her grandmother to be “together in Paris.” This phrase turns into the only clue she has about her family after she suffers from amnesia. When she learns that she really is Anastasia, she has to contend with the fact that her parents and siblings are dead, not that the movie is all that interested in that. Still, she has finally found what she says she wants in her “I Want” song, “Journey to the Past.” Comrade Phlegmenkoff says she always acts “like the queen of Sheba,” and high society walking, dancing, eating, and giving orders come naturally to her throughout. Are we really supposed to believe this girl doesn’t want the royal life the second she gets it back? “Once Upon a December” displays the luxurious parties that, by the end, she for some reason is no longer interested in. It also shows her enjoying herself with (I think) her sisters, and dancing with her father. Even if she doesn’t care about parties and gowns, she has found the one surviving member of her family and has only just got back the confidence to believe the memories that are now coming back to her, and she leaves her and everything else instantly to elope with the con man who spent most of the time they’ve known each other so far lying to her and manipulating her so that he could scam money off an old lady.

What.

What we see in this song? This is a character AND a movie that deserves a different love story and a different ending.

Megamind and Roxanne

My feelings towards Anastasia might be lukewarm to vaguely/nostalgically fond, but I LOVE Megamind. Does that love I have for it mean that I’m less weirded out by Megamind’s deception of Roxanne? No. But the fact that the movie frames it a little bit differently than Anastasia does… does.

A) There’s a lack of (real) belligerence. This may be enemies-to-lovers, but it’s a pretty unique version of that in that Megamind likes Roxanne from the beginning. Does he know he likes her? Probably not. Self-awareness is definitely not a strength Megamind has. But everyone else knows he likes her, or, at least, the audience does. For Roxanne’s part, she’s shown being not at all afraid of Megamind, even when he has kidnapped her, even when he’s finally succeeded and has taken over the city. She’s irritated, amused, and then sad and angry, but never scared.

“Please talk slower.”

B) He doesn’t set out to deceive her, he’s just stupid and ends up piling on the lies because he has no reason to tell her the truth. Or does he? Roxanne blatantly asks him, “Do you really think that I would ever be with you?” And he says, “No.” (It’s a very good scene). Minion previously tells him, “The bad guy doesn’t get the girl!” a statement Megamind echoes later (“I’m the bad guy. I don’t save the day, I don’t fly off into the sunset, and I don’t get the girl”), not long before he does save the day. To Minion, before his disastrous date, he says, “Maybe I don’t want to be the bad guy anymore!” But instead of doing the right thing and telling Roxanne who he is, he just carries on as he is, pretending to be a Metro Man historian or whatever that dude is supposed to be.

While he doesn’t mean to deceive Roxanne, there’s a point at which he decides to carry on the lie because it’s rewarding for him – specifically because he knows he actually has a chance at romance with Roxanne while he’s not the supervillain.

C) There’s a much more prolonged “crap I screwed up” part in this movie, compared to whatever strife Dimitri goes through. He loses everything except his terrible plan to turn Hal into a hero. He leans all the way into it, and things get even worse. He finally has to seek out Roxanne just to fix his mess. (Though he does bring up their catastrophic “breakup” at this point. Just once. Maybe the thing he says about not getting the girl is a second mention of it. Maybe he is a bit mopey. But allegiance-changing and heartbreak are tough.)

D) Though it’s not explicitly stated, when Roxanne asks Megamind to save her and he does, I think he does it without expectation that she’ll take him back afterwards. My justification for this belief is that he seems surprised when she turns off his hologram/deception device and is happy to see him. It’s minor but it exists.

(1:59)

E) It’s Megamind’s story, whereas in Anastasia it’s not Dimitri’s story. Megamind is a supervillain who slowly turns into a superhero. We expect him to misstep on his way to becoming good, so his follies are easier to forgive than Dimitri’s are as far as I’m concerned.

Aladdin and Jasmine

I had forgotten about this one, as the deception in this romance barely registers, but it’s definitely there, so let’s discuss.

When Aladdin first meets Jasmine, he likes her right away, and she lies by omission by not just telling him she’s the princess. He does find out shortly afterwards. When he next meets her, he’s dressed as a prince and pretends to be a whole other person. She shortly afterwards figures out she’s already met him, at which point he makes the frankly ridiculous choice to continue to lie to her. “I sometimes DRESS as a commoner.”

As the audience, we know that Jasmine doesn’t care about prince pedigrees. She does live under a law that requires her to marry a prince, though. Does this mitigate the lying? Maybe. Might not Jasmine have worked with Aladdin to keep up the façade, if Aladdin had told her the truth? Probably. Also, the Sultan just changes the law in the end so… what was the point?

The movie makes it clear that Aladdin’s deception is a bad thing, but it’s only partially about building a healthy foundation for their budding romance. The rest of it is that Aladdin is determined to continue to use the Genie to continue to deceive everyone into thinking he’s a prince, which means reneging on his promise to free the Genie. “She has to marry a prince.”

Of the three movies I’ve talked about so far, this is the one with the least reaction from the lady. Jasmine is just like, “Woah, didn’t see that coming,” and then she never mentions it again. It sort of makes sense, because, as stated above, she doesn’t care about royal blood. Jafar tells her in his irritating but amazing “Prince Ali Reprise,” so there’s a good chance that the medium is more infuriating to her than the message is. It does really seem that Jasmine doesn’t care that Aladdin lied to her. But. Who could stay mad at that face?

Conclusions

Well.

Deception in romance goes down easier if the main character is the deceiver. In both Aladdin and Megamind’s cases, it’s easier to empathize with their deception as they are the protagonist.

It’s sort of contradictorily better both when the woman doesn’t seem to care at all, and when she’s mad for a longer period of time. Jasmine is barely phased, and Roxanne is mad about it until the final showdown with Hal.

In Megamind and Anastasia, forgiveness is sped along because of the villainous guy trying to ruin everyone’s day. In Aladdin there is also one of those but there seems to be nothing to forgive from Jasmine’s point of view.

But really, the only interesting conclusion I have to draw is this:

“Princesses don’t marry kitchen boys.”

“I’m the bad guy. I don’t save the day, I don’t fly off into the sunset, and I don’t get the girl.”

“I’m a street rat, remember? And there’s a law. She’s got to marry a prince.”

Megamind can choose to become a hero. Neither Dimitri nor Aladdin can do anything about the class structure (but the Sultan can) (awkward but I’m going to say it anyway… so can the Bolsheviks). All three feel that they are something that is unchangeable, but the reality is, all three of them are in stories that are about (or adjacent to historical events that suggested that) people can be more than what society tells them they are. In Anastasia’s case it’s just sort of incidental, but still.

Megamind is clearly the winner here. Believing that since infancy he has been destined to battle Metro Man on the side of “evil,” losing his nemesis and later losing his chance at romantic love compel him to rethink his identity.

Aladdin runs a close second. He’s the “diamond in the rough,” someone who is much more than what he seems. I believe this is about how he uses his third wish to free the Genie because the Cave of Wonders had decided that Genie enslavement isn’t cool anymore, but in any case, people tell Aladdin he’s a worthless street rat and the movie says, “he’s poor and almost homeless but that’s not the same as worthless” which is kind of nice.

And Anastasia has Dimitri start as a kitchen boy, but he’s not really a kitchen boy in the end. Not anymore. But that’s awkward because the teenage girl who was a real live person and who this is loosely based on was murdered in the power struggle, so let’s just end the post.

BEEE YOURSELF.

The Genie

Watching The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad

For the first time!

There’s a lot of old Disney animated (and non-animated) movies I’ve never watched. This one is logged under “Halloween” movies, so let’s go.

I like Sleepy Hollow, I guess. Mr. Toad is the only thing I liked about The Wind in the Willows, so I have high hopes.

The most fabulous character in English literature, you say? Yeah, Mr. Toad seems about right.

And of course, it’s animals acting like old men. Redwall does it better. (Ooooh, Disney’s Redwall. I’d watch that.)

Toad and Cyril the horse’s song is good. “Though the roads are perpendicular.”

I was not prepared for this

So, I’m sorry, am I supposed to be sympathizing with Rat, Mole, and MacBadger? Because I’m not. Except Mole, maybe. He’s cute.

The court case has started, and with all of Mole’s waving and tongue-sticking-out at the prosecutor, I now love him.

My new animated crush.

I don’t actually understand being attracted to animated anthropomorphic animal characters (no, not even the fox Robin Hood). To each their own, of course, but it’s not for me. Though I do have to admit that this Mole guy is a charmer.

Now Cyril is on the stand, interrogated by the prosecutor about where Toad got the car. “The only way a gentlemen gets anything. The honest way.”

“And what is the honest way?”

“Ha ha, I thought you wouldn’t know that, guvnor!”

Roast him, Cyril!

Yeesh, the speciesism re: “deceitful” weasels. I well remember it from Wind. And Redwall, to be fair. The weasels should be allowed to keep Toad Hall and I bet they don’t. It’s a shame.

Ah, you see, the human barman is actually the evil one. Humans are the only species worth distrusting. And the overreaction to Toad’s prison escape is a poignant reminder that the criminal justice system all over the world has been in dire need of reform for a long time.

Oh wow, Toad just almost drowned himself. He is stupid.

WTF is that roast Rat and Mole are eating? That’s not a thing. Neither is MacBadger’s Scottish accent, lol.

Why didn’t they just confirm that the weasels bought Toad Hall? Yeah, the criminal justice system in Wind in the Willows land is bad.

There was an extended action sequence and after that I must say that Toad doesn’t deserve Mole and Rat as friends.

OK that was good. Sleepy Hollow time.

Ichabod is described, rudely.

Some guy named Brom gives a horse and dogs beer. Don’t do that.

And now a song about Ichabod, also rude.

Now this happens:

What. Am I watching.

Katrina’s introductory song is also kind of rude.

And it’s over!

It was bizarre, and entertaining, and it didn’t end like I thought it would. I’m actually surprised to find it’s pretty much loyal to the source material.

Well, that was fun. But I preferred Toad’s part.

It’s Time to Give Up, Baby Pirate Man

(please excuse the title, i can’t and won’t attempt to explain myself, just place me under a rock and ignore everything i ever say ever again)

I watched Sinbad recently. I had a lot of thoughts about the titular character and how irritating it is that he doesn’t really ever grow up.

That probably requires explaining, because in this movie Sinbad actually gets down on his knees and puts his head on an executioner’s block, fully, legitimately, intending to die for a crime he didn’t commit, to spare his friend.

He’s still a baby man, though, and I would like to go into it. But it’s going to have to wait, because before I can focus on Sinbad, I want to discuss this movie broadly.

And by “discuss this movie broadly” – I of course mean “write gibberish about Eris.”

Eris. Is ALL. That matters.

Eriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis.

(eris)

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas has one of the best animated villains… ever.

eris and the book of peace

Showing a still image of Eris is egregious. She has to be seen in motion to be truly appreciated, but this movie is one of the hardest to find clips of on Youtube (at least, it was when I stared writing this. Now there are a bunch! Go watch them).

Whoever animated her should have been given Oscars. They should simply have been handed Oscars. All of them – if The Academy actually cared or understood anything about animation, they would have done so, I say.

She’s also voiced by Michelle Pfeiffer, which is great because Michelle Pfieffer may actually be the best.

Well voiced, well animated, and, completing the trifecta: she’s well written. Somehow, miraculously, they got this character right.

Eris is the goddess of discord, and she has big plans to throw the world into chaos by getting the new heir to Syracuse wrongfully executed through a little manipulation of the flawed status quo. She flirts and whooshes around while she’s doing it all. She changes her size like Alice does in Wonderland – but she does it on purpose, to great effect. She’s murderous and sneaky and spiteful and extremely feminine, and the hero she’s up against who eventually gets the better of her is one of those *adorable* sexists, and yet, somehow, Eris works.

So Disney women villains.

Disney women villians, yes.

YES.

LET US COMPARE.

(the isolation delirium has set in, I believe)

The Powerful

I’m pretty sure Eris is more powerful than any Disney villain. Ursula is quite formidable once she has the trident and is not to be messed with even without it, but she’s a demoted goddess if anything, and she can be killed with a boat. Maleficent is scary and effective, but she’s no goddess. Those are the only two I’d say come anywhere close.

But Eris is the literal goddess of discord.

The Calculating

Nobody is more calculating than Lady Tremaine. The Evil Queen is a bit calculating for sure, but Lady Tremaine is maybe the only real match for Eris.

But Eris’s schemes are on a whole other level – Tremaine wants her grandson to be king, but Eris wants to topple whole governments, and her plan is way more sound than Lady T’s is.

The Sneaky

So… hold on to your hat, I have a bit of a revelation for you: all of the Disney canonical women villains are sneaks. I think we’ve found the answer to the “how does the culture view women” question.

The Evil Queen masquerades as a harmless beggar woman with a harmless basket of apples to appeal to Snow White’s kind heart.

Lady Tremaine does a lot of little subtle things that neither Cinderella nor any onlooker who isn’t a mouse can call out as unfair or straight up abuse without sounding at least a little bit paranoid.

Cruella sidles up to Anita and Roger trying to buy the puppies, and when rebuffed, hires people to steal them.

Madame Mim cheats in her wizard duel.

Maleficent, in the scene that is only not the standout scene because of the cake scene, pretty much seduces Aurora into touching a spinning wheel from the shadows.

Ursula disguises herself as Vanessa, but also, her entire deal is emotionally manipulating people into selling their souls to her so that she can put them in a garden for seemingly no other purpose than to be extremely fracking scary.

Yzma invites Kuzco to dinner to show there are no hard feelings – fully intending to murder him and take his place on the throne.

Mother Gothel steals a baby and raises her to be obedient because she needs her magic to stay young. She also very cleverly manipulates the Stabbington Twins.

And Assistant Mayor Bellweather! You know what she does.

There are plenty of male villains who are also sneaky. But there are also a lot of male villains whose sneakiness is 10000% bad-dad specific. They are just pretending to be a better person than they really are, to the complete and utter disappointment of whoever the hero of the day is (Pixar likes this one: Up,  Monsters Inc, Toy Story 2, Toy Story 3Coco, etc). Their de-maskings are often kind of devoid of flair, like Ernesto’s kind of was in Coco.

Some male villains are just evil, but with less lofty evil goals than the likes of Maleficent or even Mim (such as Ratcliffe, or Frollo). Now, those ones lie, and they emotionally manipulate, but it’s to serve their larger purpose of… genocide. So. And they really don’t sneak the way other villains sneak. They believe they are in the right and most of the bad things they do are them trumpeting all about how right they think they are.

Then there are just those who are not sneaky at all: Shan Yu, Callaghan (wearing a mask is just not fabulous enough to count as sneaky), The Horned King, and Gaston (“elaborate” plan aside. I don’t think he’s smart enough to truly be sneaky).

Some sneaky male villains include Jafar, Scar, King Candy/Turbo, Edgar, and Hans. Leaving Hans aside, what we have here are four rather effeminate male characters.

I’d love to go into great detail with all the Disney (and Pixar!) villains and discuss which ones are maybe feminine and which ones are maybe queer-coded, but for now, I’m going to leave it at this: the sneakier you are, generally, the more feminine you are, as well.

And that one holds for Eris.

What I like specifically about Eris’s sneakiness is that she delights in it. Playing Sinbad, she has this grin on her face that does the job of convincing the witness that she really is the devil-may-care thief, but she’s really just smiling because she LOVES PLAYING PRETEND.

The joyous female villain who has fun while she does villainy! So necessary. And I don’t think we’ve seen her since Snow White’s step mom laughed for forty years while she prepared a poisoned apple, in 1930.

The Sexy Ones

???

So………….

OK.

Disney likes to do a thing with their female villains, and that thing is that they desexualize them.

This can be a lot of fun, sometimes. Sexy female villains are often kind of upsetting to watch and/or read because as we have said so many times before, they are bad and badly written because sometimes you can’t help but pay some attention to the misogynist male writer behind the curtain who writes them as a weird kind of revenge porn, so, at least Disney doesn’t tend to do that. And throwing up a towering image of a powerful woman who is at the top on her own, without any sickly sweet romance, without some man – barking out orders, actually, at men – wielding awe-inspiring amounts of power – yeah, that’s fun to watch. That they all fail is less fun. That sometimes the desexualizing is done in the form of jokes about their appearances is also less fun. That their evil and their power is tied, inextricably, to their being sexless is not fun.

Of course, there’s Ursula*. Ursula is sexy. I don’t know that the movie knows that she’s sexy, but, she is.

But Ursula is unconventionally sexy. She’s fat, and wants to be fatter, and in 198whatever when this movie came out right through to 20whatever year this is now, “fat” and “sexy” – especially for women – only go together if you’re working against the overarching cultural narrative that there is one body type alone that can be considered sexy and attractive.

There are two women villains that are could be considered sexy in theory. There’s Madame Mim** in “beautiful” mode. She does a little dance and everything. I don’t think this counts because the point of it is that she turns back immediately into a shorter, fatter version of herself that we are meant to understand is the True Mim. Vanessa is another take on exactly this, but I kind of think everything Vanessa does is way less sexy than anything Ursula does, which is kind of cool.

There’s also Mother Gothel***. She’s like the Evil Queen in that she’s conventionally attractive, but the True Mother Gothel is old and aged. This is like how the “True” Evil Queen is sort of the form she both takes the most joy in and dies in, which is also aged and old.

Also I don’t know that Mother Gothel is animated in a sexy way at all. Her voice is certainly there, but she seems pretty asexual to me, and I’m using that term not as in that’s what I think her sexual orientation is (but, yeah, I do think that, sorry), but that she just isn’t doing anything sexual, at all, ever, on the screen. Even though she’s in love with her reflection.

*Ursula: unconventionally sexy and the movie either doesn’t think she’s sexy or is deliberately like, “yeah, she’s sexy, but unconventionally, OK.”

**Mim: she’s only doing an act; she pretty much states herself that it doesn’t count

***Gothel: she has time for one thing and one thing only: chasing, imprisoning, and keeping eternal youth even though she’s barely satisfied, and also her “true” form is old which, according to Disney and a lot of other jerks, can never be sexy

Eris is sexy in a way that doesn’t require an asterisk, because she’s got a conventionally attractive body type and she has a conventionally attractive face with conventionally attractive amazingly animated fluid lustrous beautiful hair AND Michelle Pfeiffer’s voice SO.

Ahem.

eris

She might as well be in charge. We have basically arrived here as a society anyway.

Eris in her own right

OK so.

Eris’s elaborate scheme is ruined by Sinbad being simultaneously stupid and noble. His nobility: he decides to go and die for a crime he didn’t commit so that his friend, the heir to a throne, won’t. His stupidity: he never realizes that in doing so, he’s conning Eris into keeping her word and giving back the book of peace.

“…………… I didn’t lie!” No shit, Sherlock. Isn’t this man a cynical con artist thief type dude?

Anyway he had to be such a dummy, because if he had known that Eris was never going to let him die, so long as he went back and pretended to be willing to die, then he’d still be lying and she would have been well within her rights to keep the Book of Peace. In order for everyone to live happily ever after, the main character has to do a stupid, basically.

I’ll return to Eris’s palpable, beautiful frustration in this scene in a moment. First, I want to talk about her amazing plan before it was ruined.

Peace in Syracuse + Syracuse’s friends and allies is dependent on a magical Book. As soon as that Book gets stolen, everyone loses their minds. The criminal must be brought to justice so they can get their Book back.

Let’s see if I have this straight:

1. Accost the likely thief

2. Behead him when he won’t give up the booty

3. ?????????

4. Peace restored

It gets more hilarious, though. Eris’s true plan isn’t even about the Book. She knows that Proteus, noble heir apparent, was Sinbad’s childhood friend, and will believe him when he says, truthfully, actually, that he didn’t steal the book. He’ll step in, and the stupid laws of Syracuse will state that if the true criminal doesn’t return WITH the stolen object, the stand-in gets beheaded.

1. Imprison the heir to the throne as a stand-in for the likely real criminal who has refused to give up the booty

2. Execute the heir when the guy who already wouldn’t give up the booty WHEN HE WAS IMPRISONED AND HIS OWN LIFE WAS AT STAKE doesn’t show up with the booty

3. ?????????????????????

4. Peace restored

I’m not doing a CinemaSins thing. Yes, this makes no sense, but I think the movie is so much better because of it.

Sinbad’s whole deal is “the freedom of the sea” (and also “the freedom of a life of crime and casual misogyny” but we won’t talk about that), directly compared to Proteus’s life of noble duty and sacrifice. Proteus even discusses this with Marina, the principled and antagonistic love interest. The conflict is more pronounced in Marina – she loves the sea (and for some reason, Sinbad) but she also feels that she has a responsibility to stay on land and be a politician. In the end, boringly, she chooses Sinbad and the sea, while Proteus is happy for them from his life on land as a public servant monarch.

And before this, everyone, including the king, is super frustrated with the confines of the silly law that have them needing to execute their heir, who is a principled, good politician, even though it will right zero wrongs. But they still go along with it, because it’s “the right thing to do??????????!”

I’m going to suggest that it’s not.

The charm and romance of Sinbad’s pirate life is enriched by the restrictions apparent in civilized society, which is one great thing about this movie. Then at the extreme end of the spectrum, there’s Eris, in all of her chaotic glory.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I can’t help sympathizing A LOT with her. She sees some silly rules and restrictions, sees how incredibly easy they’d be to shatter, and goes for it. She’s like a cat, spying a battable object close to an edge. Of course she’s going to swat it off and ruin everyone’s day.

Here’s a statement that I’ll apparently make: Eris’s attempt to bring down Syracuse is more fun, clear, engaging, and has way more to say than the Joker’s similar attempt at Gotham in The Dark Knight. (In my opinion. But I’m correct.)

If I’m only correct for one small detail, it’s this: Eris would absolutely have succeeded if not for the change of heart of one itty bitty man. The Joker is proven wrong by whole groups of people (some do try to prove him right, granted, but ultimately they cooperate and prove him wrong). If Sinbad hadn’t felt all his pesky feelings (and he tried really hard to not feel all his pesky feelings – EVEN MARINA, who is likely the reason he’s feeling all his pesky feelings, tried to convince him to not go back) Eris would have succeeded. Everyone else, all the principled political class of Syracuse and surrounding, were apparently fine to let the good prince die, because them’s the rules. They were apparently giddy to play right into Eris’s hands.

And this is why when Eris is fuming, sneering, scowling, and then, eventually, gracefully disappointed but moving on to new projects, it’s so easy to sympathize. You were so close, lady. I feel your pain.

BECAUSE NOBODY LEARNED ANYTHING.

Is it not, then, that it is you, Syracuse, and not Eris, who are the real agent of chaos????????

At least at the end of Aladdin, another story where some rando exploits the silliness of the ruling class for his own gains, the Sultan is like “Oh wait I can just change the law.”

There’s none of that here. I guess it wasn’t important.

That of course means that if Eris ever tried again, this time knowing not to rely on someone like Sinbad to stay selfish, she’d DEFINITELY succeed.

Dun. Dun. Dun.

(eris)

Onward!

Non-spoilers: I liked it. It was not as goofy as I thought it would be. I liked the raccoon-unicorns.

In fact, I really liked the raccoon-unicorns. Here is an example of an animal in a Disney-adjacent animated movie acting like a different animal, but instead of the equation being x=y where x is any animal under the sun and y is a dog, x=unicorns, and y=raccoons. How fresh and exciting! And also very weird. A very strange choice, overall.

OK spoilers underneath.

It’s typical Pixar – a detailed alternate universe/dimension world used to tell a poignant story about people’s insecurities and flaws. Specifically I’m thinking of Monsters University, where the alternate dimension was telling the story of Mike and Sully and their respective insecurities more than the ethics and energy story from the original. In Monsters U we see a slug guy being late for the entire semester. The librarian is very tall and the most terrifying person in existence, next to the Dean. Frazzled students build doors all semester and react exactly how you’d expect them to when they get destroyed.

I’m pretty sure The Good Dinosaur is that same thing but gosh golly me I can’t get through that one, which is, perhaps, my flaw. And insecurity. Toy Story is another one (that I don’t like) (but we don’t talk about that because I’m in the very small minority). Toys going through existential crises, cut in with clever explorations of how a toy society would even work. Onward does the same thing, sporting elves, centaurs, cyclopses, pixies, dragons, and so on, but it’s just a story about an anxious kid and his risk-taking DND enthusiast older brother trying to spawn the top half of their dead father before sunset. You know. As you do.

It reminded me of Wall-E with one very minor subplot. The modern day Onward universe has forsaken a lot of its magical heritage. The pixies not knowing how to fly and The Manticore turning into a frazzled businesswoman who only uses her flight power after a car crash forces her to reminded me of that “you may have experienced some bone loss” line from the Buy n Large propaganda/return-to-earth video. I don’t know how I felt about it – only that I’m glad it was minor.

I liked that the mom got to participate. She participated even more than Squishy’s mom and was similarly cute.

And then there’s the poignancy. All I can say about it is that I’m glad this movie exists. It’s doing good work. A lot of Disney/Disney-adjacent movies have dead parent(s), but this one, since it’s set in a modern-if-alternate universe, probably has more relatable things to say to actual kids who are missing a parent. And as a Frozen and Lilo and Stitch fan, I’m definitely not going to say no to brother love, which was happily the main point. More, animators. More.

I mean. I just watched it today. I’m sure my thoughts will evolve. But for now, it did my favourite thing that an animated movie can do: it surprised me by surpassing my expectations.

So thank you to all the creators out there, whatever it is you create. Someone somewhere is having an easier time because of you. Even when we’re not in a pandemic.

EXCEPT you, radio show hosts who do prank calls that I am forced to listen to at work. You can get furloughed. Forever.

A very brief Maleficent: Mistress of Evil thought

**spoilers**

 

 

 

One: If you’re trying to make an anti-war movie, it probably helps if it isn’t very fun to watch the title character straight up kill people with magic.

Two: Remember the rule of Shakespeare: a marriage only solves everything if “everything” has been harmless shenanigans*, not if it’s been a tragedy up until this point – family deceit and betrayal and massacre of the innocent included.

*except for the multiple instances of slut-shaming that end in pretend or real death, or both, but, “exception that proves the rule” or whatever.

(Just watch the first one again.)

A brief thing about the new teaser

All right, this ^^ is out.

Fair warning, I have nothing worthwhile to say about this, except that like everyone else who watched it, I’m very excited.

All I’ve got is that while I love this (I LOVE this), I do hope my best girls, and my best guy, and my best snow-guy, and my best reindeer, have some… good times, too.

Also I hope they overcome everything that has come their way.

My one wish is that someone edits Frozen so that we can see what a trailer for that movie in this style would look like. I enjoyed the Olaf vs Sven teaser they put out at the time, but just for comparison’s sake I’d like to see it.

Here are my suggestions:

  • you’d need, for the beginning, long shots of Elsa doing things with her powers. I think the only thing that would work would be the parts where she’s in chains near the end
  • I’ve got nothing for the colourful ice diamond part
  • Anna running after her sister and falling, the first time Elsa uses her powers publicly
  • Kristoff determinedly rides Sven in Frozen twice, so, pick one
  • For Anna being sad and then jumping, some mixture of the Marshmallow fight, and maybe at the end where she’s freezing. Or just the Marshmallow fight
  • Elsa attacking the guards and/or running from the chandelier
  • in place of the new characters, maybe just the crowd dealing with snow, or Arendell freezing
  • Then for the hard stare, um, Elsa building her castle?
  • And for the very end, I’d have Anna punching Hans, but that doesn’t really work. But since spoilers (and also a clear narrative) don’t matter here, maybe Anna freezing/saving Elsa

Now, yeah, that wouldn’t make any sense. But if you’d never seen the movie (and also you weren’t planning to, because this would be a huge spoiler fest), it would at least be a lot of cool imagery. And it might suggest some other storyline that could make sense.

Anyway, I hope someone does it.

In the meantime I’ll just watch this one again.

That said, happy Valentine’s Day! ❤

A Tag, stolen and changed

I saw this Literary Dinner Party Tag at the Not-So-Modern-Girl blog and liked it a lot. I like most tags, really, but this one is particularly good. I also managed to track down the maker of the tag, NEHOMAS2, and have decided to be extremely boring and answer it with all Disney characters.

I’m sorry.

I do read (a decent amount), but I’m still going to be obstinate and use Disney characters. I even feel like I’ve done this before, but it was a much more intimate dinner party, so I’m going to do it again.

Here’z the rulez:

You must invite 11 guests, and there must be:

1. One character who can cook/likes to cook
2. One character who has money to fund the party
3. One character who might cause a scene
4. One character who is funny/amusing
5. One character who is super social/popular
6. One villain
7. One couple – doesn’t have to be romantic
8. One hero/heroine
9. One underappreciated character
10. One character of your own choosing

Let’s send those invites. To Disney characters.

Someone who can cook/likes to cook

remy ratatouilletiana whipped cream

Well that’s going to be Remy and Tiana. I’ll be dis-inviting someone else so that I can have both. (To be clear – I’m inviting them to a dinner party… but even though they’re the guests, they’re going to cook? I kind of like this idea but I also feel a little bad.)

Someone who has money and will fund the party

charlotte money

Charlotte can come! It won’t be awkward at all asking her to… pay for this party. She will likely be absolutely fine throwing money at the venue.

Someone who might cause a scene

ariel fork

Ariel. Forks everywhere.

Someone amusing

genie applause

The Genie!

Someone very social; popular

tony rydinger

Is there that in Disney? Let’s go with Tony Rydinger.

A villain

(not pictured)

Frollo! Promptly disinvited. He is the worst. I don’t even feel bad.

One couple that doesn’t have to be romantic

kronk and yzma dinner party

love that it doesn’t have to be a romantic couple, so I’m choosing Yzma and Kronk. There, the villain spot is casually ticked as well. (Is it a good idea to invite these two to a dinner party?)

A hero(ine)

mulan

Mulan, the most heroic hero in all of China.

An underappreciated character

srgt tibbs

Sergeant Tibbs is THE most underappreciated character of all time, and he is invited.

Whoever

edna mode

Edna Mode. Obviously.

All right folks, swamp gumbo’s on. It’s a vegan dinner party – keep the comments to yourselves; the chefs are world class and also already down.


If you’d like to do this – the regular book one or the Disney one, definitely go for it.

A Love Letter to The Emperor’s New Groove in Two Parts

~Bewaaaare the groooove~

~Grooooooooove~

This is me in Grade 9 (baby):

  • My best (and sort of only) friends were two girls who were way too intense for any of our own goods
  • Through them I discovered the joy of Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King in theatres. Seven times.
  • Through them I discovered the joy of Beyblade, a truly ridiculous show
  • I wrote poetry about death because of course I did
  • I still had braces
  • The braces are probably why I wrote death poetry
  • I watched a lot of bad horror movies, because my friends wanted to
  • I watched Holes many more times than was technically necessary, because my friends wanted to (and also I wanted to; who am I kidding)
  • We ate a lot of Chinese food
  • I had to pick a side when my two best friends had a friendship-ending, common decency-ending fight over a guy who, we much later found out, was gay

and

  • Before that fight, they made me watch The Emporer’s New Groove

Despite how tumultuous that year was, I look back on it fondly. Thankfully things got a lot better in the ensuing years, and probably it’s because things got better that I can’t remember defining movies and TV shows that I was watching from, say, grades ten or eleven, when I had other friends whose drama was mostly kept politely off to the side.

My grade nine media consumption was a lot of fun and also kind of all over the place. And apologies to RotKBeyblade (heh), and Holes, but The Emporer’s New Groove is the piece of media from my early high school career that I love the most. It wasn’t just a well-made and/or hilarious distraction. The Emperor’s New Groove is the one that, I think, shaped me the most. I guess I’ll try to articulate why.

Let’s start with Yzma

Yzma is far and away my favourite Disney villain. She’s not the one I think is the scariest, she’s not the one I think is the most compelling, but I do think she’s the funniest, and the one I can actually muster up some sympathy for.

Three and I have gone through all of this before but still, for comparison’s sake:

  1. The scariest villain, according to me, is probably the Horned King from The Black Cauldron, mostly because of the scene where his dragon things chase Hen Wen. Oh and the Gurgi thing. Yzma has nothing, scariness-wise, on him. Honestly, she has nothing scariness-wise on any of the other scary villains either.
  2. The most compelling villain is a bunch of them, but mostly I think it’s Ursula. I like that she manipulates people’s vulnerabilities; there’s a lot to consider there. Comparatively, Yzma is just a disgruntled employee who is also a bad person.
  3. The other funny villain is maybe Captain Hook. His humour comes entirely from being repeatedly injured by Tic-Toc and Smee’s unlikely tag team. Yzma, I think, is funny in her own right at least some of the time.
  4. I have some sympathy for Dr. Callahan from Big Hero 6, but only in that I feel bad for him. None of his actions are justified. Yzma’s murder attempts are not justified and are of course morally wrong but on the other hand, who can blame her, really?

I was recently thinking about how not-all-that-awful apart from murderous intentions she is, and then “The Kronk Thing” occurred to me. “The Kronk Thing,” is, in case you’re wondering, the sort of jokey implication on Kuzco’s part that Yzma has Kronk around because he’s attractive. And, following from that, all of the other implications. Which would make Yzma a sleazy boss figure.

So: Yzma and Kronk

Kuzco says, describing Kronk to us, “Yzma’s right hand man. Every decade or so she gets a new one. This year’s model is called, ‘Kronk.'” And later, at Yzma’s dinner party, there’s an uncomfortable conversation while Kronk runs off to attend to his spinach puffs.

“He seems… nice,” Kuzko says.

“Heh heh, he is,” Yzma replies.

“He’s what, in his early twenties?”

“I’m – uh – not sure.”

And then there’s an awkward silence until Kronk returns.

See, maybe it’s just that Disney wouldn’t let the animators go all in showing an older lady being all over her much younger, easily manipulated employee, but, to me, the Yzma/Kronk relationship reads as a completely professional relationship and/or an oddball friendship. In both instances, one isn’t pulling their weight. Kronk, bless him, doesn’t really have the conniving wits with which to function properly as Yzma’s evil henchman. And Yzma is not doing her part in their supportive friendship. Kronk even tells a squirrel that Yzma has a harsh exterior and is almost impossible to connect with.

Again, to me, that’s friendship and a work partnership. It’s not romantic or sexual at all.

This moment is maybe the most suggestive between them:

I’m talking about Eartha Kitt purring, “Kronk, darling… but now, all is forgiven.”

And, yes, it’s Eartha Kitt.

And she is lounging suggestively on a couch.

But she seems mostly interested in whatever tiny animals’ legs those are that he’s handing her.

And her purring and lounging can entirely be about her feeling content now that she’s the emperor and Kuzco is “dead,” rather than her being attracted to Kronk and wanting to act on it.

Whether it’s Disney being toothless and we’re just supposed to take Kuzco at his snarky implications or if their relationship is not meant to read as sexually exploitative to anyone other than Kuzco, what is on the screen is on the screen, and what isn’t, isn’t.

Soooooo I’m going to read it as a platonic working relationship.

A Note on Sexualizing and Desexualizing Women Characters

This is a nuanced topic (that I once sort of got into). Sexualizing a female character doesn’t have to be a bad thing, and desexalizing a female character also doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Personally, I really liked that Moana didn’t have any romance in her story, mainly because she’s a fourteen-year-old girl and she doesn’t need any. I also really like that Merida actively pushes against marriage for the entirety of her story, finally convincing her mother that she shouldn’t be forced into anything she doesn’t currently (or ever) want.

I do remember the argument made around the time the movie was first out that not giving Moana a romance is like suggesting that women of colour aren’t worthy of romantic love. I think that is a bit of a stretch, but how women of colour characters are treated is a huge complicated discussion, so even though I think it’s OK if for 90 minutes she just self-actualizes and doesn’t worry about dating, I wouldn’t dismiss the argument out of hand.

And then there’s Elsa. She’s THE ice queen, and for most of her life, her reluctance towards marriage is clearly about her fear of her own ice powers. Now that those are sorted out, though, she could theoretically have romance, if she wants some. And considering how popular she is and how her story is already pretty well suited for a queer story, it would be nice if, should Elsa have romance, it’s with a woman. It won’t happen, but it would be nice. In this case, keeping Elsa romance-less, and the creators occasionally walking into interviews uprepared to answer questions about lesbian and/or WLW Elsa without doing the queer-baiting thing, result in all of us being hyper-aware that this particular desexualized female character could have been decent lesbian/WLW representation.

And sexualizing female characters doesn’t have to be bad. I think Esmeralda in Hunchback of Notre Dame is a really good example of where it works. Esmeralda is a complicated person. She’s kind and compassionate, and she acts when she sees injustice. She’s frustrated by people’s apathy in general and sometimes she’s a tad out of line. Just a tad. But a tad nonetheless.

She’s also the “finest girl in France” with entrancing entrances. And while Quasi’s romantic interest in her is depicted as pretty innocent, Pheobus’s isn’t.

Neither is Frollo’s but no one cares about him.

Esmeralda is angelic but also sexy. The movie, in my opinion at least, pulls it off. I think if she’d been too far over into the angelic side of the Madonna-Whore spectrum, the rebuke Frollo gets and keeps getting for being a creepy creep would have mattered less. Esmeralda is sexy, and that’s not all there is to her, and her sexiness doesn’t mean she’s less human. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve to be respected and treated with dignity.

But that doesn’t change that in the greater context of the Disney canon, generally, Disney seems much more comfortable and willing to sexualize women of colour than white women. Compare Wendy to Tiger Lily for the gross child version of sexualizing or not sexualizing characters. Pocahontas and Jasmine show more skin than Belle or Aurora. Yes, there’s Ariel. And yes, there’s Mulan. But the general tendency, at least through most of the 90s, is for women of colour to be sexualized more than white women.

So women of colour being sexualized more than white women is a problem, but there’s also the problem of older women being desexualized entirely. Consider the stoic, high necklines and frowny faces of Snow White’s Evil Queen or Cinderella’s Lady Tremaine or Sleeping Beauty’s Maleficent. Those are three powerful women, definitely, and barely that old. Tremaine is graying, but the Evil Queen is maybe in her mid-late 30s, and Maleficent looks like she’s in her mid-late 30s. But power for them comes with being desexualized, having men scrape and cower before them, and they’re also the picture of evil, so, yikes.

There’s also Ursula in The Little Mermaid, who is fat and somewhat sexualized. Her body is definitely there and she makes it obvious. She also isn’t fussed about being desirable, which puts her on par with the other three desexualized evil ladies. And she sashays around her lair and puts on bright red lipstick and puts mousse in her fabulous hair, so, who really knows. She’s a more nuanced one; there’s a lot to unpack there, as I already said.

Yzma is maybe the oldest of Disney villains, unless Maleficent is ancient (which she probably is but she doesn’t look like she is so whatever). Her age is noted in various ways. Sometimes, it’s noted in jokes where there might be a little sympathy afforded her, like when Kuzco tells her she’s completely obsolete.

But on the other hand, seeing a joke like this one:

is kind of disappointing.

I sort of like the joke at Kuzco and Pacha’s expense, like, “Really, you’d rather be stabbed to death than look at an old woman’s body?!” But it’s clear the joke is actually about Yzma. Yuuuup, horrifying old lady body. Shield your eyes.

The running joke about Yzma’s appearance is that people generally describe her as being “scary beyond all reason,” which doesn’t necessarily have to be about her age or even her appearance more generally, but I don’t really want to make an excuse for this joke. I buy the behaviour from Kuzco but Pacha, who presumably intends to grow old with Chicha, needs to get over himself, as does the world with it’s revulsion towards aging bodies, and in particular, aging female bodies.

Also, the movie is full of a lot of really good jokes, and also the gay panic resuscitation one. Why not cut this one out (and also the gay panic resuscitation one can go too) and put a better one in its place?

So while I really enjoy the nonsexual, nonromantic working relationship/friendship that is Yzma and Kronk, I do think it’s worth noting that the movie’s enthusiastic desexualizing of Yzma is there, and it’s stupid, and it doesn’t need to be there at all.

But, can we talk about Chicha?

Chicha is a pregnant lady and a mom. It’s hard to tell based on her outfit but it looks, to me, like apart from the pregnancy, she may actually be a Disney woman without a conventionally attractive/unrealistically proportioned thin body. Maybe. No matter what her body type actually is, she’s really conventionally pretty, and voiced all sultry by Wendie Malick. Her and Pacha are reasonably affectionate, even while she’s heavily pregnant.

Moms are desexualized all the time. Furthermore, in Disney movies, often they don’t even exist. In this movie, Chicha participates in schemes, gets to be funny and warm and likable, and even endures Yzma exploiting her pregnancy to surreptitiously plot with Kronk.

 

 

 

 

And that is pretty great.


This has been Part One. I don’t know when or where Part Two will show up, but it will, and I’m sure it will make a point eventually.

But until then, bewaaaaaare the groove.

Animals. Animation. Pixar. Disney. Nemo. Lion King.

It’s time to talk about different representation of animals in animated movies, and this is mostly because of this article about Andrew Stanton, Pixar filmmaker, on how Finding Nemo is kind of a response to The Lion King.

Stanton says, “‘I liked working with the limitations of the rules of nature, as opposed to breaking the rules and saying everything’s in it for the ‘circle of life.'”

Unsurprisingly, I think 20-something Stanton, and whatever-age-he-is-now Stanton, are both wrong about The Lion King. And also about Finding Nemo. And also about the “rules of nature.”

Quickly, then, on TLK’s opening scene: yes, “Circle of Life” shows a bunch of prey animals bowing to a newborn predator who will be their king. A few scenes later:

Mufasa: Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance, and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope.

Simba: But dad, don’t we eat the antelope?

Mufasa: Yes, Simba, but let me explain. When we die, our bodies become the grass and the antelope eat the grass. And so, we are all connected in the great circle of life.

And sure, the in-universe explanation for how this lion monarchy ecosystem works hinges on lions and all of their prey being philosophically aware of the bigger picture beyond each individual life and death. I guess it’s easy to think that seems a little hokey, particularly if you’re wrapped up in the rampant individualism of our modern times, but The Lion King is actually about human society and its thesis is that a true leader’s core identity is his responsibility for everyone else. Even those he eats. Soooo.

But if you like, we can ignore that The Lion King is completely about humans – or – humans as we should be – and talk about rules of nature and how they do and don’t apply. Why not?

First: Cooperation and Empathy in Animals According to an Actual Researcher

I have a lot of jumbled thoughts about this but here’s an actual expert doing a convenient and entertaining Ted Talk:

And now on to what I, the all-knowing knower of these things,* think.

*No.

The Rules of Nature IMO in Two Parts

IMG_6702

Part 1: Humpback Whales and the Empathy Explanation

Have you heard that thing about how humpback whales, if they see orcas attacking prey, will get all agitated and try to intervene? Well, I have, and I decided that humpback whales and myself are kindred spirits. I like orcas, but orcas are not very nice. They’re not the most humane of hunters, and they kill baby gray whales only to eat their tongues. Jerks.

But as to the humpback’s orca hunt disruption behaviour, biologists and behaviourists are baffled. Is it empathy for the prey that compel humpback whales to try to help orca prey? Some say yes, others say that humpbacks see orcas as a threat because occasionally orcas will kill a humpback. So, the theory goes, if a humpback thwarts an orca hunt, there’s a slight possibility that other humpbacks will be saved.

What.

I know that we need to wait for animal linguistics to be a thing so that we can figure out how to talk to whales before we can know for sure why they do any of what they do, but, come on. The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. Humpbacks are distressed by orcas hunting because anyone decent would be, if they’re allowing themselves to empathize with the prey. They intervene because they are compelled to help out of empathy. Deal with it.

My point here is that, I, a very singular human being, believe that our cultural interpretation of the natural world is incredibly narrow and often wrong-headed. Some of us, educated some of us, look at something like this humpback thing and feel the need to explain it using evolutionary theory. “What’s good for my species specifically is good for me. Gotta get my genes out there.”

Sometimes animals just do things. I know. I am one. So are you. And I don’t know what you did today, but I spent it watching people watch TV shows that I’ve seen to see their overdramatic reactions, and if I was doing that because somewhere deep within me my instincts were telling me that’s what I need to do to get pregnant, well, I think I need to see one of those therapists that specializes in evolutionary Darwinism as the root of all decisions people make (in other words: a very bad therapist) because something has gone horribly wrong.

We’re not always trying to propagate the species, or us, specifically. Even Darwin would be sick of how every little thing has to be explained with Darwinism these days. Relax.

This need that researchers have to fight tooth and nail against admitting that animals might be able to empathize is mind boggling to me, especially considering that their alternative interpretations basically require us all to take, on faith, that animals all have this incredibly complex Machiavellian understanding of their own place in the ecosystem. If you’re arguing that because we can’t prove the whales are acting out of empathy, we must instead state that whales are acting out of self-interest, I’m sorry, but, you need to prove to me that animals are ruthless chess players.

If it really is self-interest that compels humpbacks to disrupt orca hunts, that means we all just have to accept, without any actual research, that humpbacks are thinking through a bunch of different steps of what would be a whole complicated cognitive process. We’d have to accept that humpback whales recognize orcas as orcas, a potential threat to them personally, or perhaps they even recognize them as a threat to their entire family group. Then they also must recognize that the prey animal is whatever species they are, ie, they’re not a humpback whale or an orca. I’m OK with this so far; I’m pretty sure they do this easily.

But then they’d have to understand that it’s healthy and good for the orca pod specifically to kill their prey so that they can eat. And they’d have to understand that it would be bad for the orca pod to miss this particular chance at a meal. And they’d have to be of the opinion that it would be worth it to spend their energy disrupting this one hunt they’ve encountered on the off-chance that, I don’t know, the pod will never get a chance to eat a meal again and they all starve, thus lessening, albeit in a minuscule way, the chance that orcas might kill those individual humpbacks. And so they place themselves in at least a little bit of danger to try to stop the hunt, because maybe these dangerous animals that they know might kill one of them one day won’t get to eat if they’re successful and then the orca pod will eventually starve and then they’ll have preemptively made the ocean a little safer for themselves and themselves only.

WHAT.

HOW DID YOU GET A SCIENCE DEGREE.

RETURN IT. MAYBE YOU CAN STILL GET A REFUND.

First of all, that is incredibly irrational reasoning, if that’s indeed what’s going on in their heads. But really, we can’t even prove that humpbacks can do any reasoning, but when it comes to explaining behaviour like this, where the simple explanation is empathy, instead it’s perfectly fine to just assert that humpbacks are, of course, capable of nonsensical overthinking irrational reasoning.

Anyway, we’re all super sure that animals are too stupid to cooperate or to be driven by things apart from a prototypical jungle version of the profit motive and therefore we say silly things about kids’ movies that feature animals who are allegories of humans. And I think we should maybe rethink that one.

terk

Part 2: Ishmael and the Devaluing of the Natural World

I read a book of modern philosophy once. The blurbs on the back of this book that are trying to sell you on the premise are all really, really out there, like, “This book changed my life entirely!” and “I can’t look at anything the same way ever again!”

Well, I read it too and I can attest: yes, this book is majorly perspective-changing, though I didn’t really agree with everything it argued. Also, it’s more than a little demoralizing. But ultimately, it’s trying to show how the way we tend to perceive our own culture as against the natural world is a huge part of why we’re having so much trouble stopping ourselves from destroying the planet.

It’s about a guy who signs up to take lessons on saving the world. The teacher is a telepathic gorilla named Ishmael. So, yeah, you should probably read this book. But the concept from the book that matters for this discussion about TLK and FN’s depiction of nature specifically is that humans take for granted that human civilization, removed from the wild, is “superior,” and a lot of that is down to how we perceive (and depict) the natural world: as savage, dangerous, brutal. Once, I heard some sort of animal making distressing noises in my backyard, and I figured it was fine, but I wanted to be sure. When you google this stuff I can tell you, a lot of people who know nothing have “helpfully” posted responses to posts describing different shrieks and calls that go something like this, “It was something getting eaten alive.” K no, Brad. You’d be more useful silent. (Ultimately I found out it was a fox. The sound is called a “vixen scream” and it sounds like a woman being murdered, but it’s probably just a mating call.) People do this because they just take for granted that life in the wild is miserable, brutal, and short.

And yeah. Sometimes, that is true. But be honest, whenever you’ve gone out into the wilderness, or even just a little patch of green in some urban or suburban area, the animals you see are mostly just living their lives. You can probably find evidence of predation if you look – spider webs are stationary, so those will do it, but mostly animals are just interacting with their environments, watching you watch them, eating or gathering food, and stuff. You may see fledglings being fed by mom and dad, or flying lessons, if you’re lucky. Sometimes, animals just chill on some perch and make a lot of noise, and sometimes squirrels actually throw acorns at your head, which is nice.

The majority of what goes on in the wild is just life. It’s hard to fathom this, but animals are actually totally fine. Most wild animals, even and especially when they’re in distress, really hate being approached by humans. Sometimes they’ll allow a human to help them without freaking out too much, and sometimes they may actually seem to ask for help, but a lot of them really would rather struggle on their own (I’m not advocating leaving a wild animal in distress alone. Just be sure it’s actually in distress and call the right service). Wild animals, if offered the choice of being zooed or petted rather than having to find all of their own meals and watch out for predators, might surprise you with their answer. I mean. Some of them might take us up on an offer of an “easy” life in captivity, but I’m pretty sure a lot of them are just fine as they are.

This would be a lot clearer if nature documentaries weren’t made almost exclusively by and for people with massive animal death boners, but, alas, we don’t live in a world that kind.

I love animals but until nature documentaries feature more stuff like the following and less of the overdramatic death and suffering scenes, I’m not watching them.

This moose does a little angry dance when he can’t reach the ball anymore and it is the best thing.

Or is the best thing baby moose in a sprinkler set to sentimental music?

Or is it a crow snowboarding on a roof?

Or maybe foxes on a trampoline?

No, it’s actually this:

I love this because they both have exactly the same reaction to almost bumping into each other (although the bear’s reflexes are much better). Who says humans and animals are that different?

It really is important to try to retrain our brains into not thinking of the natural world as bad and brutal and dangerous, because in doing so we make it easier to allow large scale habitat destruction to take place which, it turns out, is super bad for us because we need to breath. Also, there are in fact humans who live in the natural world. Some of them haven’t made contact yet, and hopefully won’t. It seems very strange to think about, but as it turns out there are actually humans out there among other species who need us to protect their homes. And by “need us to protect their homes” I mean, of course, they “need us to stop freaking destroying everything everywhere always because why are we doing that even.”

Pretty cool, right?

(Like. Not that their home is in danger of being wiped out, but that they’re still here at all.)

Ishmael is all about the differences between us and the people who live in this way. The term the book gives them is “Leavers,” because they don’t cause the kinds of destruction that we, the “Takers” do, with our agriculture practices. It argues that we need to live more like them in order to not destroy ourselves, and I think it makes its case really well.

I don’t know how possible it is for us to reduce our environmental impact, but the book definitely makes the case for changing our attitudes towards this way of life, whether it’s humans living it, or other animals, and it asks us to, at the very least, do what we can to not tread on them.

Unfortunately, when we depict the natural world as being inherently brutal and destructive, we end up with the conclusion that we are also inherently brutal and destructive. This causes us to devalue the natural world and all of its inhabitants (including ourselves), because in a brutal, competitive world, it’s only right that the most brutal and most competitive animal rises to the top and can then do whatever it wants with all the rest below it. This, incidentally, is not even a little bit what Darwin meant by “Only the strong survive.” It also causes us to devalue our many, many, many other inherent qualities, such as cooperation and empathy. You know. Those little soft skills that are actually the key to human survival and ingenuity. But who’s keeping track?

If we could just understand that cooperation and yes, sometimes, even empathy are inherent parts of the natural world AND inherent parts of human societies of all kinds, we could begin fostering those good qualities as our treasured qualities. We could begin using them to solve the gargantuan problems caused by the fact that all our prominent loud mouths have been declaring, 24/7 and for the past 500 years at least, that competition and brutality are the only true things in life and that this is the way it should be, “because nature.”

So in that spirit, I’m going to try to explain that The Lion King and Finding Nemo have pretty cool things to say about the natural world, and about predators and prey, and about a broader, natural community, despite what 20-something Andrew Stanton thought all those years ago.

Animated Ecosystems

Finding Nemo is up front about the kind of world its characters are living in. Why shouldn’t it be? It makes ample use of the natural world to heighten the stakes. We meet Marlin and his wife, and their gazillion eggs, right before a large predator fish shows up to eat them all. That neatly sets up everything we need to know. Marlin is overprotective; Nemo is all he has. Quick. Clean.

Our most formidable antagonists are humans, who aren’t even trying to eat anyone when they take Nemo. They’re just “helping.” And while humans are the worst, we do still have sharks, anglerfish, jellyfish, pelicans, seagulls, and, sigh, humans, again, to contend with as well.

If you map out the Finding Nemo story from one specific lens, what you can find is a couple of very small fish battling an enormous ocean of much larger prey until, finally, they return home safe to the anemone.

But that isn’t the full picture.

Finding Nemo depicts the ocean’s ecosystem as a community. The scariest of predators don’t talk, but some of the others do. Bruce and his vegan shark pals all talk. We get to know the pelicans. Seagulls may only say one word, but still. And then there’s the dentist, who has some of the best lines in the whole movie. Seagulls say their word for comedic effect (ps – gulls are smart, don’t believe everything you see in a Pixar movie), but the fact that Bruce, Nigel and co all frequently talk to fish they’d otherwise be eating allows them to empathize with their would-be prey.

Nigel saves Marlin and Dory from the seagulls because he’s met Nemo and has heard all about Marlin’s epic journey. Bruce and his friends are trying out a more compassionate lifestyle. While Chum may not be the most… dedicated vegan shark there is, he is quick to empathize with Marlin when he hears how Nemo was taken. He’s also quick to help try to restrain Bruce while Marlin and Dory try to escape.

The barracuda and the anglerfish don’t talk, which, yeah. That’s an important style choice. If they talked that would not work. Really only predators that don’t eat prey get to talk – but for a movie that does intimidating but talkative predators really well, try Happy Feet. The skuas are good, but the leopard seal is the best.

(Note that he only talks after Mumble gets away) (Still)

(He has a cute smile and gets very soundly insulted but he still manages to be terrifying)

(Happy Feet needs a post)

However, including predators who have long conversations with would-be prey and who empathize with their would-be prey and who go out of their way to help their would-be prey is, in my opinion, pretty forward thinking.

I know Stanton and the rest of the people who made Finding Nemo didn’t add in the discussions and empathizing and helping out each other across species barriers for realism purposes, but the way I see it, the movie basically represents what life in the natural world is really like, just with a lot of anthropomorphism added in.

Here’s the best example of the sense of community we can see in this ecosystem:

No, that doesn’t happen in the wild. That’s a humans-and-social-media thing. But wild animals are all existing in “the great circle of life” together, and while occasionally two individuals might come up against each other with an important clash of self-interest, ultimately, all species are working together to survive as various ecosystems, intricately connected to every living thing on the planet in the web of life.

A sated predator doesn’t generally kill for no reason. Many predators spend most of their time doing things that aren’t hunting or killing. Snakes, even – what do snakes do when they’re not hunting or digesting? I don’t know, but I do know that many snakes don’t need to eat all that often. Most of their time alive is spent not killing things. I’m not saying they spend the rest of their time participating in Disney movie plots, but there is more to a predator than predation.

Finding Nemo admits that, presenting its empathetic predators like new vegans or like sorry-not-sorry omnivores. That may not be natural realism but it is truer to the complexities of predator species than many narratives that have prey animals as protagonists depict, including supposedly true-to-life nature documentaries.

As you know, the ecosystem portrayed in The Lion King is definitely a community.

Predators as Protagonists

Keeping in mind some of the empathetic predators of Finding Nemo, I’d like to present exhibit a: The Lion King’s female love interest.

She shows up for the first time we’ve seen her since she was a cute little cub and she tries to murder Puumba.

She stops when Simba recognizes her and says her name, and suddenly all those teeth and claws are gone.

The real-life version of this and the Simba/Scar fight is here, and it’s a little bloody:

(Why we need slow motion replays, close up images of wounds, and lion mating I don’t know, but as far as violent wildlife videos go, this isn’t bad)

(The females, watching/participating in that second fight: men are traaaaaash)

Back in the fictional world, Timon is unimpressed.

#TimonisAndrewStanton

So Timon shouts about how it doesn’t make sense for everyone to suddenly be friends immediately after a vicious attack and also she wanted to eat Puumba, “and everybody’s… OK… with this?” and Simba’s response is, “Relax, Timon,” and then they move on.

See, Timon. You’re in a movie about predators. We aren’t shying away from the fact that they’re predators – I mean, we’re not going to show them kill anyone. We might show some savage fights, and we might show one of them trying to kill a main, beloved character, but as long as they keep their actual killing and eating off screen all is well.

I’m going to suggest that this is exactly the same tactic that Finding Nemo uses with its predator side characters (despite what Andrew Stanton thinks).

In the end, we have to acknowledge that Nala isn’t a bad guy for trying to eat Puumba. She’s a lion, she’s supposed to hunt. It’s just that certain would-be prey are off limits.

That isn’t entirely unrealistic. In the wild predators occasionally do something weird, like that one lioness that kept taking baby onyxes and keeping them. It’s a sad story, don’t look it up. We see predators empathizing with prey much more often in captivity, though.

Human intervention causes a lot of these strange situations where animals that would normally kill or be killed by one another actually become friends. Even though the human intervention is pretty much essential, it does seem like predators have the inherent ability to empathize with an animal they would normally see as prey. Otherwise, this wouldn’t ever work.

It’s not… impossible, then, for a baby lion to grow attached to a warthog and a meerkat. It’s just very unlikely that all three of them would make it out of that situation alive.

Ultimately, I think the real difference between Finding Nemo and The Lion King in how they work with the rules of nature is that Finding Nemo has small, vulnerable prey animals as its protagonists, and The Lion King has the largest, most invulnerable predators on the Savannah as its protagonists. It’s easier to incorporate a lot of short scenes in which small, vulnerable fish are chased and almost eaten and have your audience continue to sympathize with them than it is to incorporate a lot of short scenes in which your young couple terrorizes singing warthogs and fight brutally and have your audience continue to sympathize with them.

The Lion King pulls of a more impressive feat in this regard, as far as I’m concerned. Lions are a bad species, but it isn’t really their fault that they’re so violent and angry all the time, and I certainly don’t blame Nala for hunting. I don’t blame Simba for attacking Scar. I don’t blame the hyenas for killing Scar. Marlin, Nemo, and Dory do comparatively few violent and murdery things, which makes perfect sense. I just think allowing the more gruesome realities of a predator species to simply be nodded at and kept mostly offscreen doesn’t automatically make The Lion King completely disingenuous about what life is like in the wild.

Would you like one more example? In Simba’s Pride, which is, I know, the sequel, and not the actual movie, and also I hate it, Kiara’s coming of age ceremony is her being sent out to kill something.

Because the plot is something else, it’s easy enough to squeeze in a scene where Simba won’t let Kiara grow up and she gets all angsty about it that also involves predation.

I don’t like the sequel, but I do like that both female protagonists are allowed to hunt and attempt to kill things. It’s probably because the filmmakers were aware that lionesses are generally the hunters of the species, so they allowed the female characters to do things that female characters usually can’t do and remain sympathetic. Especially in kid’s movies.

There’s also the broadway version:

In which Sarabi and the rest of the lionesses actually kill something, on stage.

How’s that for “working with the limitations of nature,” huh?

IN CONCLUSION

We have learned many a thing today.

  1. The natural world isn’t all bad and needs to be protected (by us, from us)
  2. Animals aren’t chess playing Machiavellian strategists who have all also read On the Origins of Species by Means of Natural Selection
  3. Finding Nemo and The Lion King both work within the limitations of nature for dramatic gains, just, differently, because one movie has small prey fish as protagonists, and the other has lions
  4. Both movies depict the natural world as a broader community, which is realistic in a metaphorical sense because of biodiversity and the web of life
  5. Nala tried to kill Puumba in a fairly lengthy onscreen scene
  6. AND MOST IMPORTANTLY:

The Lion King is an animal allegory about people, specifically in the context of leadership, and how benevolent leaders have to respect everyone, even the most vulnerable among us.

(And Finding Nemo is an animal allegory about the struggles of parenthood, which is also important.)

Let’s think more carefully about the stuff we watch and the world we live in, K?

The Not-A-Princess Disney Ladies

Let’s talk about the ladies of 90s and early 00s Disney movies who aren’t princesses, simply because we don’t do it enough.

Esmeralda

esm17

When I was a kid, I wanted to be Esmeralda. I didn’t want the dancing or the persecution. I just wanted to have her sense of justice and the courage of her convictions.

She’s probably still my favourite Disney lady (honestly the competition is tough, but the fact that she was my childhood hero probably pushes her over the edge).

^^ This. All of it. This is who I wanted to be when I grew up.

Not the part about getting burnt at the stake. But if someone did ever try to do that, I hoped (and I guess I still hope) to be that defiant.

Esmeralda and the Jewel song “Hands” – that’s the definition of who I want to be.

Esmeralda is a bit more complicated than the fact that she’s my hero, though. For one thing, Jason Alexander (the voice of Hugo – everyone’s favourite gargoyle) was very excited about how “voluptuous” she was, compared to, >cringe< “Pokie.”* Which is just great.

But on that note, she’s one of Disney’s women of colour characters, and she is more sexualized than a lot of the white women characters and that’s… disappointing.

In the context of just the movie she’s in, though, her being sexualized is a good thing. She uses her sexuality to earn a living. Frollo tries to slutshame her and ends up falling directly into hell at the end of the movie so, point taken, Hunchback of Notre Dame.

She’s just doing her job, man. You can’t sentence her to death by burning just because it made you confused about… not even your religious convictions, really. Just your convictions about what a great, virtuous guy you are, despite all the genocide you’re doing.

If Esmeralda had been portrayed much more “innocently,” the point the movie makes about male entitlement wouldn’t have been as strong. Esmeralda is unmistakably a sexy, sexual woman, and you still don’t get to just do whatever you want with her. It’s important. A miracle, even, that this is a major part of a movie aimed at kids. When people say they want Disney to go back to making Hunchbacks of Notre Dames instead of the “garbage” they’re doing now I always roll my eyes but in this one respect, I agree. I’d like something edgier and ultimately more valuable from Disney occasionally.

Look at how she’s this woman that men can’t stop just flat out grabbing.

esm1esm11

… why does he think he should just sneak up behind her?

After this, of course, he earns her trust and respect and doesn’t pull this crap again.

The crown jewel is, of course:

Blegh.

Anyway. With Quasimodo, on the other hand – if they’re touching, she’s often the one who initiates it.

And these moments are always really sweet and thematic or whatever.

The moment that stands out where Quasi is the one rather forcefully initiating contact is, well:

I’m sure there are others, like when he’s helping her escape the cathedral or when he thinks she’s dead but the point still stands. There are clear differences in how these men act towards her, what is being coded as wrong and unacceptable, and what is demonstrated to be right.

esm20

I’m not one of the people who wishes Phoebus wasn’t in it and the romance had been between these two because one thing we are sorely lacking in this world is portrayals of male/female friendship. I think it’s perfect the way it is, though I do get the yearning for this romance too. But it’s OK. There are other women in Paris.

Anyway, especially in a movie that goes all in on male entitlement to women’s bodies and love, having a scene where Quasi gets all heartbroken and then moves on, remains her friend, doesn’t, ultimately, anyway, resent her boyfriend, saves her life from the guy killing her because he can’t have her… is cool.

The word “cool” covers it, right?

Meg

meg4

AKA, the best thing in Hercules.

Maybe most out of all other Disney ladies, at least the ones who aren’t villains, Meg is jaded, cynical, worldly.

“Well, you know how men are. They think ‘no’ means ‘yes’ and ‘get lost’ means ‘take me, I’m yours.'”

meg2meg3

Regarding these ^, first, she’s great, second, Hercules is the cutest, and third, her stinger, “Don’t worry, Shorty here can explain it to ya later” is fantastic and deserved.

Meg is soundly mistreated throughout this movie, and a good chunk of that mistreatment is, again, this is another woman various men can’t stop grabbing. But there are also moments where the good characters are overly hostile towards her as well.

Phil is the worst to her, and some of the time his mistrust and anger towards her are justified but mostly his attitude is pretty garbage. Then Hercules himself, when Hades tells him Meg’s his henchwoman, just – like – dude, let her talk. If you’d let her talk, she’d tell you the whole stupid story in which she’s only sort of to blame, and even then, not really.

She’s sad and indentured. Come on, now.

And I know, we need him to get really really sad and feel all betrayed because we require some dramatic tension, but it’s still a little tiring when she’s right next to him and he could have just asked her to explain it to him after the fact. And if he really is the nice, understanding guy that the entire Meg relationship is painting him to be, he probably wouldn’t have blown up right away.

Then there’s Hades himself. Since Hades is the villain, everything he does is wrong so I guess it’s fine how extremely grabby he is with her the whole time.

Hades is the worst.

He’s not worse than Frollo but he is pretty bad still.

While collecting images of him seizing her by the shoulders and being gross about “curves” I remembered that he even grabs her spirit and mimes her talking to Hercules, so here’s that:

hades and meg 10

That’s – yeah. That’s not cool. Hercules’s face is the truth there, as is the part where he megasonic-punches him into the pool of the dead for this.

It’s just so extremely disrespectful. Again, he’s the villain, but Meg gets snarked at way too much by the good guys too, which is lousy.

Meg, you deserved better. Which is something Hercules knows (throughout most of the movie, anyway).

I like her as she is, but the fact that she’s all but blameless for her situation (she sold her soul to Hades with the best of intentions, after all) is something I’ll note.

If Meg was working for Hades out of a general lack of consideration for people around her and had to realize the error of her ways, like Kuzco in Emporer’s New Groove, it would just be… better. First because it would make how angry Herc gets make more sense.

More importantly, though, and this is a recurring theme here at OwlMachine, we really want, nay, need, some unlikable, morally complicated women characters in Disney movies. Honestly, Maleficent in Maleficent is a START. We need them to pick up the ball they started rolling there and go way bigger.

Maybe not way bigger. But we wouldn’t say no to a female Kuzco.

Please?

Jane

jane sketching

I’m not a huge watcher of Tarzan so mostly I know that Jane is a very enthusiastic zoology/art nerd. Which is cool.

I do like this one moment where she’s the one who initiates the kiss at the end and he doesn’t know what that is so she gets all embarrassed.

CuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUte.

Like all of the ladies so far on this list, she’s here to fill the love interest role, and although I prefer the almost kind of edgy version they did with Meg – the cynical, downright jaded  version of the love interest – Jane is pretty great too. She’s warm, enthusiastic, and empathetic. Pretty much impossible not to like, is Jane.

Nani

nanii

I would die for Nani.

This girl has it all: tragically dead parents, a traumatized/eccentric/probably needs some therapy little sister that she is now the sole guardian for, a violent alien dog, no job and tourist season is over, a really hyper-vigilant social worker hounding her every step, a love interest she can’t actually deal with right now, and more aliens coming to destroy her house.

Poor Nani.

Her relationship with Lilo is a typical explosive but close sister relationship, strained these days mainly due to the dead-parent thing. And also because The State keeps threatening to take Lilo away, which is very unhelpful.

Thanks, Stitch.

There’s really nothing else to say about her, at least, not that I can think of now. How about a bullet list? That always helps when I just like something and wouldn’t change it one bit.

Nani for president:

  • because she’s good to the core
  • she’s doing a fantastic job considering her circumstances
  • she is holding it together like a champ and I’m not even exaggerating when I say: her presence in Lilo and Stitch is always legitimately inspirational and comforting
  • the part where she tells Stitch she knows he can talk, then he says, “OK, OK,” and she screams and hits him is GOLD
  • David could tell you the rest
  • I wish every Lilo could have a Nani looking out for them.

The End

And that’s it for this era of Disney movies. I’d like to talk about each of them in more detail some other time because these characters are great and should get talked about more.


*I know this because of this Lindsay Ellis essay which is always worth a watch

Cerebrus was never meant to be screencapped

Picture yourself trying to write about cool things, needing a still image or two from Disney’s quite frankly AMAZING(ly awful but still AMAZING) Hercules, heading over to disney screencaps dot com which is now animation screencaps dot com, and finding this.

This brief snippet of Cerebrus fighting himself over a steak is always a favourite of mine whenever I watch Hercules and it looks so fluid and cool animated but stilled it’s just the gift that keeps on giving.

Animation is cool.

So is Hercules, which does this a lot, really.

Murder Princesses

A long, long, long time ago, I started writing a thing about how Andrew Stanton was annoyed that predator and prey species coexist in The Lion King and so he went on to infuse his movie, Finding Nemo, with such examples of natural realism as a pelican scooping up two fish and some sea water and flying them away from a flock of seagulls to rescue the son of one of the fish, who is acquainted with the pelican because the pelican frequently visits the fish tank where the fish son currently lives to watch a human dentist practice dentistry the way the rest of us watch the olympics or whatever.

And I keep getting distracted and writing paragraphs about humpback whales and fictional telepathic gorillas and human civilizations living in South American rainforests, and now,

84years

and I think it’s time for just a quick post about something I only fully began to appreciate recently.

Nala and Kiara are murder princesses.

Nala, best friend and love interest of The Lion King‘s protagonist, tries to kill and eat Puumba, one of the protagonist’s surrogate fathers.

It’s mostly played for comedic effect. The scene is tense and quite scary, but probably no one except the very young in the audience actually think SHE’S GONNA EAT [PUUMBA]. Also Timon tells Simba to GO FOR THE JUGULAR.

They can pull it off precisely because the entire audience sees a scary lionness preparing to pounce in the long grass and thinks, “Oh, it’s Nala,” so we know what we’re in for is one of those hijinks-infused sequences in which everyone misunderstands everything until finally each of the love interests realize who the other is.

It’s just that this hijinks-infused sequence is a very dramatic chase scene in which the female love interest and basically Disney princess is trying to kill and eat one of the comedy animals.

This is what happens when your movie is about lions.

In the very not good though still admittedly technically competent sequel, teenage angst ensues because KIARA JUST WANTS SOME FREAKING INDEPENDENCE, DAD.

INDEPENDENCE WHILE HUNTING. KILLING ANTELOPE THINGS.

I’m even willing to admit that Kiara’s murder princess scene is a little bolder than Nala’s, since, in The Lion King, we know Puumba, and we know that it’s Nala, and we’re assuming that everything will be set right as soon as Simba shows up.

In this sequence, Kiara is just hunting a random herd of animals who don’t have any lines or names. I’m not even sure what species they are. They’re probably purposefully not one of the more recognizable prey species of lions. Could anyone root for Kiara after watching her hunt a herd of zebra, for example?

Personally I don’t root for her at all, but that isn’t the point and I’m just jaded. The actual point is that theoretically, Kiara could be successful on her hunt because she isn’t hunting a main character or even a character with a small speaking role. She isn’t hunting anyone off-limits.

lknalaisterrifying4

But Nala’s the one with all the teeth and claws, and also she’s in the better movie. But it doesn’t matter. Disney’s lioness princesses/queens are violent predators and the movies are kind of shockingly honest about that.

Neat.

A Coco Complaint

I FINALLY went to see Coco and I have one extremely important complaint:

WHY ARE THERE NO FULL-LENGTH SONGS SUNG BY ANTHONY GONZALEZ ON THE SOUNDTRACK????????????????????

Ahem.

I suppose, technically, both “Proud Corazón” and “Poco Loco” are full-length songs, but “Proud Corazón” is only two minutes and “Poco Loco” is LESS than two minutes and in the movie that performance 100% gets interrupted. And “The World es Mi Famiglia” is less than ONE MINUTE long! What is this nonsense?

Pixar basically made a musical without making a musical, and the short bursts of song throughout the movie definitely work for the pacing BUT I WANT FULL-LENGTH AND MAYBE EVEN LIKE 20-MINUTE VERSIONS OF THESE SONGS ON THE SOUNDTRACK AT LEAST, COME ON!

Pixar what are you doing to me.

This is not OK.

I am not OK.